I Blog Blaum!

Uh Huh Her

2007-10-03T19:49:00.001-07:00

PJ Harvey scares me; her voice sends shivers down my spine like no other vocalist. When I hear her sing, I feel her haunted visions play out inside my head. When I picked up her latest album, White Chalk, even the cover art gave me the creeps, and could possibly give me nightmares for the next few weeks. But Harvey is not here to scare us, she is here to guide us through the darkness that troubles this beautiful enchantress.

White Chalk is PJ Harvey's eight studio album, and her most ambitious effort by far. Gone are the dizzying pulse and fractured grind of her previous albums, instead Harvey is relying on her voice. This album is a departure from her previous works, it is more reticent, soothing, and truthful. From the opening track The Devil, where her voice patiently explodes fluently with the piano, to the melancholy desperation in The Mountain, Harvey bares her soul with tantalizing results. In the song Dear Darkness, she whispers "Dear Darkness, won't you cover me, cover me again, I've been your friend for many years", we are quick understand her pangs, and yearn to comfort her. White Chalk is more than just a sad and depressing record, it is an exploration into the deepest corners of the heart's abyss. The rage that was prevalent in her earlier work is no longer there, instead Harvey has learned to trust her voice and poetics to effectively carry her songs.

This album is beautiful, brilliant, elegant, powerful, and haunting. After a few listens it has quickly become one of my favorite albums of 2007. Harvey's music has often been described as punk, goth, blues-rock, and art-rock, White Chalk dispels all those labels. Some fans may find this album too depressing and soft, or perhaps too much of a departure from her musical style; but this is the album that Harvey has been slowly evolving toward since she released Stories from the City, Stories from the Sea and Uh Huh Her. And this is the album we've been waiting for.

Can Superman Save Burning Man?

2007-09-25T14:39:00.001-07:00

Can Superman Save Burning Man?
Originally uploaded by Lush.i.ous

Apparently not...

praise of love

2007-07-26T16:31:00.001-07:00

...And After All You're My Wonderwall
Originally uploaded by Lush.i.ous

and so then
the first moment
do you remember names
or adjectives
no, no
perhaps nothing was said
the end of indifference
and then you smile
like the sun
skyscrapers
swallowing us
in a tender
embrace.

composition

2007-07-11T22:56:00.001-07:00

infinite sadness
Originally uploaded by Lush.i.ous

composition.
mostly composed of nouns/verbs/adjectives.
a compose of letter that become words.
i am left in anxiety
counting numbers instead
days, hours, minutes, seconds,
at 11AM those are what matters most
when you anticipate.
sitting in a room,
too empty for solace,
waiting to the grasp your skin one more
time.
a composition starts with a premise,
but this one will start with a dream
through a rabbithole.

a dream about icicles forming on my ceiling
on the hottest of nights,
watching it a ferment,
and swirl in circles
creating fingers that fan out
like a blooming flower.

these are my dreams,
since i left her cozy world.
Merely dreams to keep me
distracted until those numbers
become zeros.

To The Dogs

2007-07-10T09:16:00.000-07:00

When the dogs bark, I taste July.
I fall into circulation.
I crave faux fur.
I miss the taste of pineapple.
I miss my toys.
I gulp liquid anti-freeze.

When the dogs bark, I drown in tears.
I get ravenous for onions.
I want to fly to distant lands.
I change my name to Jean-Paul.
I change my name to Leona.
My name changes itself to Buster.

When the dogs bark, the road crackles like a frying pan.
The verses disappear into the pavement.
The dictionary smokes meaning into nothing.
I stare at the blank wall.
I taste serendipity.
I see myself totally naked.
I am vulnerable.

When the dogs bark, eagles swoops over the house.
The stereo gets a panic attack.
The oven trembles for fear.
The trees pull out their roots for freedom.
I translate ancient texts into pornography.
I rip the windows open to let the lightning
and madness inside.
The cat sings lullabies.
I don't have a cat.

Barking dogs!

And I remind myself...
The moon is a hanging white poppy!
The moon is a hanging white poppy!
The moon is a hanging white poppy!
The moon is a...

Jersey Joe's RV

2007-07-09T22:39:00.001-07:00

Jersey Joe's RV
Originally uploaded by Lush.i.ous

Sometimes you can go crazy on your RV.

Sans Lumiere

2007-06-26T10:25:00.001-07:00

Sans Lumiere
Originally uploaded by Lush.i.ous

NYC and DC in 3 weeks. I'm left speechless and uncomposed.

Follow Your Heart

2007-05-21T23:35:00.001-07:00

Follow Your Heart
Originally uploaded by Lush.i.ous.

Say No More

2007-05-14T11:10:00.001-07:00

Say No More
Originally uploaded by aqui-ali.

Sometimes a Q-tip is just not enough.

Family Affair

2007-05-06T21:08:00.001-07:00

Family Affair
Originally uploaded by Lush.i.ous.

Who knew raising money for charities would be so fun?

Stick To Your Guns

2007-05-02T15:01:00.001-07:00

stick to your guns
Originally uploaded by Lush.i.ous.

A Holiday By the Bay

2007-02-28T21:54:00.000-08:00

Sunrise at Center Camp

2006-09-09T13:16:00.000-07:00

The Sprawl

2006-09-05T10:35:00.000-07:00

The Sprawl
Originally uploaded by LU$H.

Campers of The Sprawl. Thank you for the love, hospitality, and community. It was an amazing burn...

OFF TO BURNING MAN

2006-08-28T12:59:00.000-07:00

OFF TO BURNING MAN

Fire!!

2006-08-25T12:58:00.000-07:00

DSC00256.JPG
Originally uploaded by Thrakazog.

Three more days until Burning Man! Let the fire begin!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHUCK!

2006-08-18T08:40:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHUCK

Today is Charles Bukowski's birthday. Happy Birthday Chuck! I'll be drinking one for you tonight.

THE ALIENS
from The Last Night Of The Earth Poems

you may not believe it
but there are people
who go through life with
very little
friction of distress.
they dress well, sleep well.
they are contented with
their family
life.
they are undisturbed
and often feel
very good.
and when they die
it is an easy death, usually in their
sleep.

you may not believe
it
but such people do
exist.

but i am not one of
them.
oh no, I am not one of them,
I am not even near
to being
one of
them.
but they
are there

and I am
here.

THE RESURRECTION OF LUSH

2006-08-14T10:03:00.000-07:00

THE RESURRECTION OF LUSH
Lush is dead. Long live Lush! Burning man is a couple of weeks away, and although I have been reluctant in going to Burning Man, I'm finally feeling inspired to go back to the playa. My life has been a rollercoaster since I stepped off the playa two years ago. And it is time for me to take another journey to my soul. I really don't know what I'm looking, and I'm a little afraid of what I might find. But Burning Man is a sort of journey to the Heart of Lightness for me. I need to learn to love. I need to capture the essence of my inspiration and purpose, things that I'm afraid to admit have been lost and compromised by pain, fear, and lack of courage.

It's time to face the desert. It's time to dust off all the dirt from the default world, and it's time to explore. Wherever that might take me.

Towers Of Perception

2006-08-07T16:14:00.000-07:00

Towers Of Perception
Originally uploaded by Ryanicus.

Went to Venice Beach on Sunday and came out with a ton of wonderful pictures. Venice Beach is one of the few places in the world where people, culture, race, and faith collide beneath a beautiful sun and gorgeous beach.

BEST MUSIC VIDEO

2006-08-04T10:07:00.000-07:00

This is the best music video I have seen in a long time. The song isn't too good, but the video is just hilarious. The band is OK Go!, and the song is A Million Ways.

THE VOICE OF THE ANCIENT BARD

2006-07-25T13:50:00.000-07:00

Dood
Originally uploaded by Tsjeu.

Youth of delight! come hither
And see the opening morn,
Image of Truth new-born.
Doubt is fled, and clouds of reason,
Dark disputes and artful teazing.
Folly is an endless maze;
Tangled roots perplex her ways;
How many have fallen there!
They stumble all night over bones of the dead;
And feel--they know not what but care;
And wish to lead others, when they should be led.

- William Blake

Joys of Youth

2006-07-21T12:55:00.000-07:00

Joys of Youth
Originally uploaded by Ryanicus.

Oh the simplicity and charm of youth. I can so relate to the feeling of my nephew receiving a toy. That is the essence of a child's heart right there...

from the passenger seat

2006-07-20T11:14:00.000-07:00

from the passenger seat
Originally uploaded by ultraviolett.

Wow! I didn't take this picture, but I sure wish I did. It's pictures like these that make me want to be a photographer. I love how beautiful all the converging lines are on this reflection. It is perfectly balanced, if this isn't art, I don't know what is. It's just brilliant!!!

2006-07-19T11:25:00.000-07:00

42 YEARS AGO

2006-07-18T10:40:00.000-07:00

My Father
Originally uploaded by Ryanicus.

I found this picture of my dad taken on August 1964. I am not sure where it is was taken. He was 28 years old when this was taken. Twelve years before I was born. He looks young and fit. It's kinda scary how I look so much like him. He had such great hair, how come I don't have any hair. Now that's a tragedy...

Arches of Los Angeles

2006-07-17T15:30:00.000-07:00

Arches of Los Angeles
Originally uploaded by Ryanicus.

Near Chinatown there is a bridge that crosses the L.A. River this picture was taken on that bridge near Pasadena Street. Who knew concrete rivers were that beautiful. I had to do some work on this picture to get the details out, and I utilized the Unsharp Mask feature to really bring out the shadows and highlights of the concrete bridge. I also added a cooling photo filter to make the water and the sky a little softer and to enhance the blues, and I loved the way it turned out.

Deconstruction

2006-07-15T11:22:00.000-07:00

Deconstruction
Originally uploaded by Ryanicus.

I took this on a small construction site near Highland Park. This is a small overlooked entry into the Los Angeles River. There were people sleeping on the crevices and corners underneath this bridge, they were very cool with me and allowed me to take my time as I took pictures. I had some trouble adjusting to the shadows, by I fidgeted around with the aperture and later enhanced the shadows through photoshop. I love how it is framed with those rusted staples. It is a little oversaturated, only because it enhances the colors and made it a little grainy, which subtly adds to the context of the picture.

Lotus Festival

2006-07-11T10:52:00.000-07:00

Echo Park
Originally uploaded by Ryanicus.

I went to the Lotus Festival in Echo Park over the weekend, and managed to take this amazing picture of Los Angeles. I ripped out a hole on the cover of the program guide, and used the hole to focus the fountains, the city skyline and the lake, and it came out so well.

2006-07-05T15:28:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of July!

2006-07-04T11:37:00.000-07:00

Arlinton West - Santa Monica
Originally uploaded by Ryanicus.

Seeing all the crosses and memorial to all the fallen soldiers in Iraq is a humbling experience ideal in commemorating what the 4th of July stands for. It not only stands for freedom, but it should stand for peace as well.

WHAT DO I WANT?

2006-07-03T20:32:00.000-07:00

WHAT DO I WANT OUT OF LIFE?
It is one of the simplest and obvious questions you can ask yourself, and yet it can be one of the most difficult questions to answer. Most people die, unable to answer that basic question truthfully to themselves. I haven't been able to answer that question truthfully to myself. Sometimes you think you've got it all figured out, and life just keeps throwing along the path that creates friction within you. I've been caught in maligned philosophies, flawed spiritual paths, and progressive self-pragmatism. And I see people around me that are have found that internal niche that allows them to live their life, either in ignorant bliss or determined optimism. What is inside the pit of my stomach? Is it God? Or just bad Mexican food? Too often in my life I've found that I've had to compromise certain things about who I am, and what I am about? Perhaps it's the fear of disappointing someone, or perhaps it's just not realizing what I really want and fighting for it wholeheartedly. Sometimes I feel like the fight has been taken away from me. Whether it's because I work in a cube, or because I'm stuck in over an hour's worth of traffic everyday. I live a life with little or no risk. I have been raised and encouraged to live a safe, risk-adverse, disciplined, and secure lifestyle. And I have battled those pillars the past few years and various capacities, and yet I am still here, a knot in the system, blogging in a cafeteria watching lonely old men eat grapefruits. Is that my future? I am a tamed housecat, not the lion that I should be.

What is the value of my life? Is it my mortgage? My 401-K? My toys? My friendships? My belly? My intrinsic desire to procreate, and start a family? The number of songs in my ipod? Sometimes I find myself twisting and turning in bed at night, unable to sleep, unable to process my past, present, and future. I'd like to live in bliss, unshackled by fear and pride. It sounds so simple, take that leap of faith, and jump into the big unknown, but perphaps the sea is too deep and cliff to high, the landing too unpleasant. Fear is like an itch on your back just a bit too far for your fingernails to reach. Will there ever be answers? It seems as if the more answers I receive, the more questions I have.

I want to fight. I want to clench my fists and feel the might of my heart in it's nucleus. I want to fight for ideas, people, and freedom. I want to be truthful in my motives and intent, and not compromise on the little stuff. I want to fight for soul. Rise up with fists clenched and raised in the air. I want to rise in solitude and in community. I want risk! I want to increase my pain tolerance. I want to be fearless.

The Anguish

2006-06-28T10:43:00.000-07:00

The Anguish
Originally uploaded by Ryanicus.

Hollywood is full of wonderful murals that residents take for granted. This mural is on a parking lot of a beauty salon near Amoeba Records in Hollywood. When I saw this I really, I wanted to take capture the contrast of the red bricks next to the black and white painting.

Splashes

2006-06-27T09:58:00.000-07:00

Splashes
Originally uploaded by Ryanicus.

I found myself walking at a very empty Caltech this weekend, and I saw this wonderful picture of a water fountain. It's amazing those individual droplets form a stream that look like string.

WHAT'S THE STORY MORNING GLORY???

2006-06-21T11:40:00.000-07:00

WHAT'S THE STORY MORNING GLORY???
I haven't updated my blog in such a long time, it almost feels like I'm dead. I have been going through my own personal sabbatical, working on a few business, creative and spiritual endeavors. It's an exciting time in my life, where I still feel like I can change and that is exciting. I turned 30 and most people start to get really set in their ways, that can be a good thing and a bad thing. Flux is something that is constant with life, and I've learned to relish in its chaotic nature.

~ I've started my own online t-shirt company, www.substanceshirts.com, it is still in beta, and we expect to roll it out later this summer.

~ I bought a digital SLR Camera
and I've been working hard on trying to capture my photographic skills that I've left since college. I love this camera. Having a true functional Digital SLR has allowed me to become more visually aware of random things around me, it's taught me to appreciate a lot of what we take for granted.

~ Been going to church (not really to tap myself on the back) but to honestly confront some of the spiritual blocks that I've had in my life. Breaking down those barriers has helped me become a more honest person and happier person. I think most people corrolate church with boredom, but I've been fortunate to find a community that challenges me not to just be a better person but how to better understand God's message.

Well sorry for the quick update, more posts coming soon...

2006-05-31T11:01:00.000-07:00

ILLEGAL ALIEN

2006-05-19T11:15:00.000-07:00

ILLEGAL ALIEN

THE SUMMER 2006 PLAYLIST

2006-05-17T19:34:00.000-07:00

THE SUMMER 2006 PLAYLIST
Summer is almost here, and what better way to enjoy global warming than listening to some of these amazing tunes. With links to iTunes.
- All Sparks: EDITORS
- Cash Mashine: HARD-FI
- Chasing Cars: SNOW PATROL
- Bloodflow: SMOG
- More Shine: SI*SE
- Mushaboom: FEIST
- Aqualung: MORCHEEBA
- I'm Always In Love: WILCO
- Hong Kong: GORILLAZ
- What Else Is There?: ROYKSOPP
- Rich: YEAH YEAH YEAHS
- The Man Who Doesn't Know How To Smile: JOSH ROUSE

ROCK BOTTOM RISER

2006-05-12T10:11:00.000-07:00

ROCK BOTTOM RISER

Bill Callahan writes the most amazing songs, and this video is a great accompanyment to the song.

BURN

2006-05-08T13:43:00.000-07:00

BURN

Big Butts

2006-04-28T11:02:00.000-07:00

I REALLY REALLY DON'T LIKE BIG BUTTS, AND I CANNOT LIE

SOMETIMES I DRINK...

2006-04-27T09:38:00.000-07:00

SOMETIMES I DRINK...

LOVE IS NOT RANDOM

2006-04-26T13:52:00.000-07:00

LOVE IS NOT RANDOM

OTTERS

2006-04-21T10:26:00.000-07:00

THE LOST ART OF THE MIXED CD

2006-03-31T08:47:00.000-08:00

THE LOST ART OF THE MIXED CD
With the advent of MP3 players, music downloads, and iPods, the art of the mixed CD is slowly dying, and it is sad. The mixed CD is an art form that exposed a lot of people to knew and eclectic music. I loved designing the CD covers for those mixed CD's and if you were fortunate to have one, I hope you didn't throw the covers away. Here is a sample of some of the mixed CD covers that I have created:

BACK AND FORTH

MAN OF FAITH

SUBSTANCE

THESE ARE DARK DAYS

I AM A ROCK

2006-03-30T13:13:00.000-08:00

I AM A ROCK

BEFORE THE DAWN HEALS US

2006-03-28T10:36:00.000-08:00

BEFORE THE DAWN HEALS US
run towards the hills
where the shadows of skin and bones
hide beneath the grassy fields.
there, salvation rests
amongs the trees,
singing ballads with an acoustic guitar.
listen to the songs...

LA LA
My latest addiction has been LALA.COM. It is a CD trading website. Even though it is currently in beta, and is now available to the public, I got an invite to participate, and I can't wait 'til this goes out to the masses. It's a million dollar idea, I wish I would've thought of it.

WATCH OUT FOR THOSE LEPRECHAUNS!

2006-03-17T10:02:00.000-08:00

THE SAN FRANCISCO TREAT...

2006-03-03T10:07:00.000-08:00

THE SAN FRANCISCO TREAT...
Sorry it has been a while for me to post the pics from SF, I've been really busy. But here they are...

OBSERVATIONS OF THE BAY AREA

2006-02-18T13:43:00.000-08:00

OBSERVATIONS OF THE BAY AREA

- It is perfectly accepted practice for anyone to carry a conversation with themselves.
- Whereas in L.A. you have weed through all the beautiful women to find someone intelligent and interesting, in the Bay Area you have to weed through a lot of intelligent and interesting women to find someone beautiful.
- Nobody refers to San Francisco as "San Fran" or "SF", it is simply called "The City".
- The nightlife is a little disappointing here.
- "Where is the middle class black man in The City?"
- Seafood is delicious and expensive.
- Why is there a GAP on the corner of Haight and Ashbury?
- H&M is an amazing place.
- For a city that prides itself in it's progressiveness, the gap between the rich and poor are very distinct and blatant.
- This is not a city to raise a family in...
- Isn't this city supposed to be the epicenter of the hippie movement, so how come there are way too many yuppies walking around?
- SFers love to think that they are so much better than their brothers down south, that's really funny...
- Why is North Face considered a trendy designer label here???
- OK, I have to admit SBC Park is one of the most beautiful stadiums I have seen.
- There is very little police presence in the Bay Area.

2006-02-09T15:00:00.000-08:00

SHHHH, DOWNLOAD THIS...

A great remix of Coldplay's "Talk" by Francois K

iPOD TOP 40

2006-02-08T10:12:00.000-08:00

MY iPOD TOP 40

MARATHON

2006-02-07T09:43:00.000-08:00

MARATHON
2,500 years ago Pheidippides ran 26 miles and 365 yards to announce the victory of the Athenians over a Persian army in the Battle of Marathon. Upon proclaiming, "Rejoice. We conquer!" he fell dead. 26 Miles and 365 yards, 42 kilometers. It tests your mind, body, and will. I don't think most people realize how difficult running a marathon is, it is the ultimate test of endurance, mental strength, and physical achievement. It is the yard stick that separates the men from the boys. Our bodies are simply not made to endure such physical impact, and yet thousands of people compete and accomplish the marathon every year.

There is something about running that is inherent within our genetic code. It is in our primal instincts to run, it allowed us to hunt, escape, and reach places that may otherwise be out of reach. It has shaped the course of humanity and allowed us to spread out in this great wide world.

I am currently training for the Los Angeles Marathon, I will be turning 30 this year, and I have always wanted to finish the L.A. Marathon before my 30th Birthday, and here is my chance. I have 6 weeks to reach my goal, and I am in good shape right now. I am pacing at about an 8 minute mile, at a steady pace of 7 miles an hour, which calculates to about a just a little bit over a 4 hour finish. There are still a lot of things for me to work on, but I am determined.

FUN WITH COMICS

2006-01-26T16:55:00.000-08:00

FUN WITH COMICS

IS IT POSSIBLE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A SHOE?

2006-01-23T11:44:00.000-08:00

IS IT POSSIBLE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A SHOE?

I've been searching for shoes to carry me in finishing a marathon. I've been using Nike Shox for the past two years, and they have provided me with solid support. So I decided to splurge over the weekend and invest in the new Nike Air Max 360's. And wow! Even with blisters on my feet, I was able to run a solid 4 miles relatively pain free. My knees feel much better, the cushioning is amazing. Light as a feath, smooth on those long runs, and seems very durable. This puppy could last mean years. So yeah, it was kinda like love at first run, I can't wait to take these out for a spin.

HOW TO SURVIVE A BROKEN HEART

2006-01-20T11:05:00.000-08:00

HOW TO SURVIVE A BROKEN HEART
I should let this go but I just can't
And now it's just a lesson I can't grasp

And the things you said
Do they still make sense?
Could you mean them now?
Did you even mean them then?
I could torture myself insane and tense
But I don't have the strength

I'm crushed in pain you drifted through my life
But even looking back I know it's right
I gave you my heart scared complete and whole
When all you ever asked for was my soul

And there's nothing left
But a song or two
That mean not a thing
If I can't play them for you
If I could hear your voice just one more time
Maybe I'd be fine

But I guess I won't
'Cos it's too late now
And I guess you're gone
'Cos it's too late now
And the pain I feel
Is all I can take
Maybe this turn of karma
Is too late
Maybe I was wrong
Maybe I was caught In a net of passion
Maybe I was caught
Maybe I should take it all with salt
And soon I'll believe that it's not my fault
And it's not my fault
And it's not my fault
And it's not my fault
And it's not my fault
And it's not my fault
And it's not my fault
If I say it enough
I'll believe that It's not my fault...

- By Ben Lee

2006-01-18T09:45:00.000-08:00

THE NEW YEAR

2006-01-15T19:12:00.000-08:00

THE NEW YEAR
So this is the new year, I don't feel any different. I've settled in a little bit of a comfort zone for the past couple of months, and usually is not good for me physically and emotionally. I'm feeling like I need to get out of dodge, soon. I'm getting Angelino fever, L.A. can swallow you up whole when you least expect it, you really have to fight for every single inch of sanity in this city some times. I have committed myself to the L.A. marathon in March, I'm a little out of shape, I really let myself go the past few months. I need to get that edge back; that killer instinct, that driving force within me. I have two months to do that.

I WANT THIS...

2006-01-06T09:56:00.000-08:00

I WANT THIS...

Scientist at the University of Tokyo (damn them Japanese are smart) have developed an optical-camouflage technology, that in essence allows you have an invisibility cloak.

Optical camouflage doesn't work by way of magic. It works by taking advantage of something called augmented-reality technology -- a type of technology that was first pioneered in the 1960s by Ivan Sutherland and his students at Harvard University and the University of Utah.

Augmented-reality systems add computer-generated information to a user's sensory perceptions. Imagine, for example, that you're walking down a city street. As you gaze at sites along the way, additional information appears to enhance and enrich your normal view. Perhaps it's the day's specials at a restaurant or the show times at a theater or the bus schedule at the station. What's critical to understand here is that augmented reality is not the same as virtual reality. While virtual reality aims to replace the world, augmented reality merely tries to supplement it with additional, helpful content.

To create this augmented-reality system as part of a cloak, retro-reflective garment is used. The garment doesn't actually make the person invisible, in fact, it's perfect opaque. What the garment does is create an illusion of invisibility by acting like a movie screen onto which an image from the background is projected. All augmented-reality systems rely on powerful computers to synthesize graphics and then superimpose them on a real-world image.

HOPE AND FEAR: THE FUTURE

2005-12-16T10:13:00.000-08:00

BM '06 THEME CAMP

"Where do we find ourselves? In a series of which we do not know the extremes, and believe that it has none. We wake and find ourselves on a stair; there are stairs below us, which we seem to have ascended; there are stairs above us, many a one, which go upward out of sight... Ghostlike, we glide through nature, and should not know our place again." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

We take comfort in the notion that we have a past to guide us, but we reinterpret history every day according to what happens in the present. The future, too, is a projection of our hopes and fears in what is called the here and now. But even what we term the here and now is largely an imaginary place and time. If we say that now exists exactly now, we already speak of the past. We are caught in a temporal slipstream, a state of perpetual flux. The present really narrows down into the thinnest slice of time. It is no wider than the span of a reflexive arc, that moment when the heart says to the mind: so shall it be. This year's art theme will allow us to explore how we create futurity. Express what you most hope for in the future! Express what you most fear! The Burning Man, as heartbeat of our city, will be made to rise and fall upon this tidal flow of our emotions and imagination.

MY FAVORITE ALBUMS OF 2005

2005-12-09T14:08:00.000-08:00

MY FAVORITE ALBUMS OF 2005
I can't believe that 2005 is slowly coming to a close. It's been a long and challenging year, full of growth, introspection, and maturity. 2005 was a great year for music. Rock in its various forms is back, and I couldn't be more excited. Here is a list of my favorites:

10. BLINKING LIGHTS AND OTHER REVELATIONS: THE EELS

A devastatingly somber, powerful, and yet important release by one of the most underrated bands out there. There's little wallowing in the pain but rather a diary of personal healing. Honest and sad, hopeful and tender, The Eels songs make this experience matter to anyone human and willing enough to hop on for the ride. This was my soundtrack when I got on the plane to go back to the Philippines for my father's funeral, and what a fitting score to piece your life together.

9. DIGITAL ASH IN A DIGITAL URN: BRIGHT EYES
Conor Oberst releases an experimental a sonic masterpiece full of depth, maturity, texture, delivery. It is insiring to see a young songwriter like Oberst show his fearlessness in creating this faux-electronica album. I don't think anyone would be able to get away with creating such complex and textured songs. Check out Arc Of Time (Time Code), Take It Easy (Love Nothing), Theme From Pinata, and Easy/Lucky/Free.

8. SONGS FOR SILVERMAN: BEN FOLDS
It has been years since I've been listening to college rock stations, so I should've grown out of my Ben Folds stage of my life. But here I am 29 years rockin' out in the suburbs with the latest Ben Folds manifestation, I'm not ashamed. A solid album highlighted by Late, Time, Landed, and Give Judy My Notice.

7. DEMON DAYS: GORILLAZ
OK I just picked this up last month, and it's been reverberating in my iPod for the past month. Paired up DJ Danger Mouse, Damon Albarn has never sounded better, the beats are tighter and craftier than the previous carnation of Gorillaz. The whole album is poetic, epic, and reckless, converging musical styles like its going out of fashion.

6. EXTRAORDINARY MACHINE: FIONA APPLE
After half a decade of toiling away, Ms. Apple is back with a vengeance. Extraordinary Machine is soulful and impeccable. The album was written in the aftermath of her breakup with Paul Thomas Anderson (Magnolia, Boogie Nights). Her voice is still hypnotic and intriguing.

5. GUERO: BECK

I loved Beck. Then I hated him. Then I kinda liked him, and then I forgot about him. I love him again. Beck you're the greatest. Guero is perhaps his most progressive album, and it is just a scream.

4. X&Y: COLDPLAY
So you're my favorite band in the world. I see everytime you play L.A. I saw you live twice this year. Your three albums are in my most played playlist, and your latest amazing effort can't even crack my top three albums of 2005, that's a testament to how good these next three albums are...

3. CATCH MY DISEASE: BEN LEE
Let's see your Australian. You just broke up with Claire Daines, and you hang out too much with Ben Kweller and Ben Folds. Ben Lee you are amazing. This album slipped under the radar, but your uplifting tunes, and faux-pop folk style has got me giggling like a little girl on anti-depressants.

2. ILLINOIS: SUFJAN STEVENS

Mr. Stevens thank you for creating one of the most inspiring and melodic album of 2005. If I could bear children for you I would, but fortunately for the both of us that's not possible.

1. PLANS: DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE

Death Cab For Cutie released the most relevant album of 2005. Ben Gibbard just seems to have the midas touch. From Transatlanticism to Postal Service, Ben continue his amazing songwriting capabilities, and releases an album that will be entrenched in our subconscious for a long time

VENGEANCE IS NOT JUSTICE

2005-12-06T16:25:00.000-08:00

VENGEANCE IS NOT JUSTICE
I got a lot of flack from people about my strong anti-capital punishment views that I presented last week, and I still stand firmly that the government has no right to execute criminals. Most arguments that have been presented to me all revolve around the idea of Vengeance or Revenge. Why should someone who has consciously chosen to eliminate life be allowed to live? And I think that it is a fair question, it is a question that forces to ponder the value of a life.

First we have to separate our arguments to emotional and rational. Most people will argue in proponent of the death penalty because of emotional reasons. I got tons of e-mails asking me what would I do if someone murdered my family member/friend. My emotional response would be to seek vengeance, but my rational response would be to trust the authorities and allow due process to happen. Would I want to see the perpetrator executed for the crimes they have committed? Yes! But I know that will not bring back the life of my loved one, and that relief I will feel from seeing that retribution would only be temporary. In the long run it is not vengeance that fuels the grief, it is the loss of a loved one. We have to realize that vengeance is not justice. Vengeance is an emotional reaction fueled by anger and fear once we have lost a loved one. Justice on the other hand is a scientific discourse. It relies on hard evidence, facts, and prudent testimony. And the mere fact that justice in itself is not perfect, should be an indicator that Capital Punishment has too many holes.

If about 1 out of 9 people in Death Row get freed each year due to DNA testing, forced confessions, and bungled police investigations, how many innocent lives have we killed? As a society it should bother us, if we one innocent person gets executed; we can't simply rationalize that by saying "Oooops!, that was an accident." Their blood is on our hands, and we just can't make excuses for that.

As far as Stan "Tookie" Williams is concerned, I am not supporting freeing Mr. Williams, I am in favor of saving him. I have no personal agenda on the matter, I was not even alive when he committed the crimes. I don't know the facts of the case, and I really don't care. It doesn't matter to me if he has admitted guilt or not, or whether he is still active with the CRIPS or not. We, as a people, should not have the right to systematically execute anyone. And no, I an not getting caught up in the hype led by Snoop Dogg and Jamie Foxx. Anytime I get to support the saving of a life, I will do so. Tookie Williams was only brought up because he brought to the forefront the issue of Capital Punishment.

WHY DO WE F#&*@ING SWEAR SO MUCH?

2005-12-02T10:59:00.000-08:00

WHY DO WE F#&*@ING SWEAR?
We all know what "bad words" are. Unlike most other language rules, we learn about swearwords and how to use them without any real study or classroom instruction. Even very young children know which words are naughty, although they don't always know exactly what those words mean.

But swearwords aren't quite as simple as they seem. They're paradoxical -- saying them is taboo in nearly every culture, but instead of avoiding them as with other taboos, people use them. Most associate swearing with being angry or frustrated, but people swear for a number of reasons and in a variety of situations. Swearing also serves multiple purposes in social interactions. Not only that, your brain treats swear words differently than it treats other words.

Most researchers agree that swearing came from early forms of word magic. Studies of modern, non-literate cultures suggest that swearwords came from the belief that spoken words have power. Some cultures, especially ones that have not developed a written language, believe that spoken words can curse or bless people or can otherwise affect the world. This leads to the idea that some words are either very good or very bad.

While spoken swearwords from different languages don't sound alike, they generally fall into one of two categories. Most of the time, they are either deistic (related to religion) or visceral (related to the human body and its functions). Some expletives also relate to a person's ancestry or parentage. While some linguists classify racial slurs and epithets as swearwords, others place them in a separate category. So the words themselves are similar, but in different cultures people swear at different times and in different contexts.

In early childhood, crying is an acceptable way to show emotion and relieve stress and anxiety. As children, (especially boys) grow up, Western society discourages them from crying, particularly in public. People still need an outlet for strong emotions, and that's where swearing often comes in.

A lot of people think of swearing as an instinctive response to something painful and unexpected (like hitting your head on an open cabinet door) or something frustrating and upsetting (like being stuck in traffic on the way to a job interview). This is one of the most common uses for swearing, and many researchers believe that it helps relieve stress and blow off steam, like crying does for small children.

Beyond angry or upset words said in the heat of the moment, swearing does a lot of work in social interactions. In the past, researchers have theorized that men swear to create a masculine identity and women swear to be more like men. More recent studies, however, theorize that women swear in part because they are emulating women they admire.

All languages have swearwords, but the words that are considered expletives and the social attitudes toward them change over time. In many languages, words that used to be taboo are now commonplace and other words have taken their place as obscenities. In American English, the words currently considered to be the most vulgar and offensive have existed for hundreds of years. Their designation as obscenities, however, took place largely during and after the 1800s. In fact, the use of the word "dirty" to describe words arose in the 19th century, as did the word "profanity".

1000 EXECUTIONS

2005-11-30T12:35:00.000-08:00

1000 EXECUTIONS
No government is ever pure or wise enough to claim the power to kill-Albert Camus

As the United States apporaches its 1000th execution since 1977, more and more people understand that the death penalty makes mistakes, and disproportianetely affects the poor and people of color, doesn't deter crime, and is expensive, arbitrary, and immoral. 15% of all prisoners given the death penalty have been exonerated due to DNA testing, court technicalities, and bungled police investigations.

I find it suspect that the biggest supporters of the Death Penalty often are against a person's choice to have an abortion, and support the Iraq war. How can someone condemn a person's choice to have an abortion, and turn around a support the death penalty, and support war? I don't know how they can rationalize their views.

Stanley "Tookie" Williams (co-founder of the CRIPS) is scheduled to be executed in the State of California on December 13th. In 1981 he was convicted of murdering four people during two robberies and sentenced to death row at San Quentin State Prison. Stan deeply regrets his gang involvement but has always maintained his innocence of these crimes. He has been nominated four times for the Nobel Literature Prize for his children's books that warn young people about the pitfalls of joining a gang and exposes them to alternatives. He has been nominated 5 times for the Nobel Peace Prize for his work in helping to prevent gang violence. Please join me in asking California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to grant clemency. Sign the petition to save Stan today!!

If you want to end the Death Penalty, please visit www.1000executions.org. If you want to further protest sign the Declaration of Life.

WHICH LOST CHARACTER ARE YOU?

2005-11-23T14:42:00.000-08:00

WHICH LOST CHARACTER ARE YOU?
You are Jack. Self-appointed hero and doctor
extraordinaire, it's your job to save everyone.
You have little time for fun and games, but you
do like a good stiff drink every now and then.
You prefer your stitches black and have been
known to make gross pasta comparisons. And if
anyone needs CPR or a tracheotomy, you're the
correct person to go to.

Which Lost Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

THIS I BELIEVE

2005-11-22T14:42:00.000-08:00

THIS I BELIEVE
Based on a 1950s radio program of the same name, Americans from all walks of life share their personal philosophies and core values that guide their daily lives. This series has been appearing on KPCC and other NPR member stations, and has inspired me to ask myself the question, what are my core beliefs and personal philosophies.

I believe in choice. I believe that the greatest representative of freedom is choice. Choice is an inherrent desire that is imbedded in our mechanism. It is woven intricately in the ethos of our country. Choice is being able to intelligently and honestly weigh the character and value of each object(s), and pick the one that best satisfies your need. Marxism fails because it does not trust an individual's choice, and choice is a privilege that humans will die for. In a society where our ability to choose is gradually being limited, by corporations, news organizations, government legislation, and ethical committees, we are finding ourselves marginalized. Capitalism is supposed to champion choice as its product. But as corporations are swallowing up their rivals, and flooding the market with cheap soul-less products, choice is dying. To have choice in society, there needs to be trust between those the consumer and the corporation. But choice is more than being able to choose from a hundred different brands of cereal. Choice also involves religion, culture, communication, education, and identity. We all may not agree with each other's beliefs, preferences, and lifestyles, but these are things that must be allowed to thrive.

INTELLIGENT EVOLUTION

2005-11-18T09:38:00.000-08:00

INTELLIGENT EVOLUTION
The Vatican's Chief Astronomer (I didn't even know that the Vatican has such a position) said today that "intelligent design" isn't science and doesn't belong in science classrooms. The Rev. George Coyne, the Jesuit director of the Vatican Observatory, said placing intelligent design theory alongside that of evolution in school programs was "wrong" and was akin to mixing apples with oranges.

"Intelligent design isn't science even though it pretends to be," the ANSA news agency quoted Coyne as saying on the sidelines of a conference in Florence. "If you want to teach it in schools, intelligent design should be taught when religion or cultural history is taught, not science."

As I am gaining a better understanding of my faith, the controversy of Intelligent Design vs. Evolution usually comes to the forefront with any conversations about God. But my faith is not solely based on whether evolution is a fact or science fiction, I really don't even care if evolution disproves the Genesis chapter of the Old Testament; I don't hang my faith on it. I do believe that Intelligent design is a theory, and can never be proven as a scientific fact, it requires faith. We can never scientifically prove that a God/Creator exists, and thus it does not belong in a science class but rather in a religion or theology course. Intelligent Design requires faith, it does not require evidence, as a theory it exists solely on faith.

Evolution, which is also a theory, hasn't been completely proven as well, there are enough holes in it to drive a big rig through it. But evolution can be proven. Evolution, as a theory, can be supported by evidence as we discover more fossils and gain more knowledge about the roots of our existence. Evolution on the other hand requires scientific evidence, it can not exist on the basis faith. Evolution can be proven right, and it can also be proven wrong; and even if evolution is proven to be wrong, it doesn't necessarily equate that Intelligent Design is correct. Evolution vs. Intelligent Design theories can coexist in an academic setting, but it should be discussed in its proper context.

In a June article in the British Catholic magazine The Tablet, Coyne reaffirmed God's role in creation, but said science explains the history of the universe.

"If they respect the results of modern science, and indeed the best of modern biblical research, religious believers must move away from the notion of a dictator God or a designer God, a Newtonian God who made the universe as a watch that ticks along regularly."

Rather, he argued, God should be seen more as an encouraging parent.

"God in his infinite freedom continuously creates a world that reflects that freedom at all levels of the evolutionary process to greater and greater complexity," he wrote. "He is not continually intervening, but rather allows, participates, loves."

I like that concept of God.

LOST

2005-11-17T10:25:00.000-08:00

LOST

Television has sucked for a long time. A couple of years ago "24" got my juices going, but eventually I wasn't able to sustain my interest for it. Since Seinfeld left the airwaves, I've pretty much deserted watching any scripted shows. My TV was pretty much set on ESPN and the History Channel.

When I first heard of Lost, I was skeptical. I didn't like it without ever watching a single episode. The only reason the show even registered with me was because Dominic Monaghan (LOTR) was in it. I also felt that since I missed the first few episodes, I was going to get lost in all the plotlines, so I didn't bother watching it. When Season One came out on DVD, I quickly Netflixed it. I haven't finished the first season of Lost as Jo and I have gone through the first 12 episodes, but Season One of Lost is not just great television and great narrative storytelling, but it may be one of the greatest seasons of any television show in history. This show is more than just a scripted version of Survivor, and it is amazing to see writers at the top of their craft creating this masterpiece. I am playing catchup right now and have refused to see or know anything about Season Two. Abrams has created with a wealth of great characters, great plotlines, great drama, great mystery, and great scenery.

If you haven't managed to watch an episode or have been curious as to what the hoopla is all about, please give yourself a chance and don't deny yourself one of the best television shows to air in a long long time.

RANTING AND RAVING
I've been spending too much time in the Rant and Rave section of Craigslist L.A., and I have developed a new game. It's called Subject Line poetry. I take the Subject Line from a CL Rant or Rave, and I use it kinda like magnetic poetry and create a poem out of it. Did that make sense? Here's an example:

CHINESE PROVERBS
In response to your challenge
I sit here at my computer wondering
breast worms
speaking truth to lies
this week
...to the universe
My mother never wanted me, Father unknown
Wow!
Apes 1, Women 0
Greg is like a submarine
I'm a pot smoker and...
God is a woman
Please prepare
It's Thursday and Bush still sucks
Ok, helpe me out of here
breast worms...sick!
naive question, i know but can anyone answer
This what I need on my face now
My Mother, the Senile Republican

SMART WENT CRAZY

2005-11-15T15:19:00.000-08:00

SMART WENT CRAZY
It's been awhile since I've updated my blog with any meaningful thoughts and ruminations. It seems like I'm still caught in a perpetual mental block in getting my book all straightened out. I am too indecisive about where I want my book to take me. I don't doubt that it's probably a reflection of what has happened to me over the past year, and what is happening to me now.

Some of my closest friends are going through tough times right now. The past few months have been rough for them. I could only hope that I am able to be there for them through their dark times, as they were for me. There are battles being fought everyday, sometimes we win, and sometimes we lose, but we have to keep fighting.

SAVE THE DERBY

2005-11-09T10:06:00.000-08:00

SAVE THE DERBY

Save the Derby from demolition!! Developers are planning to tear down the Derby to build more than 80 high end condos. We don't need anymore condos in Los Feliz. The Derby is part of L.A. history, founded in 1928 by film pioneer Cecil B. DeMille, the Los Feliz Derby is the last of the five original Derbies. Featured in the film Swingers, the Derby is a Los Angeles landmark. Sign the petition, and write letters to key decision makers.

HALLOWEEN FESTIVITIES

2005-10-31T11:11:00.000-08:00

HALLOWEEN FESTIVITIES
Katie's Halloween bash was a lot of fun.

CUTE BABY

2005-10-24T11:38:00.001-07:00

BABY

I FEEL LIKE DANCING

2005-10-20T14:06:00.000-07:00

UH HUH HER

It's been over a year since this album was released and it is still a vital part of my music collection. Haunting, beautiful, with a dash of danger in joy, and joy in danger, a perfect dark brilliance. Polly Jean captures the unflinching truth, with her gift of insight and her ability to translate raw feelings into something that conveys the underlying emotion is so fantastic. The Slow Drug, The Letter, The Desperate Kingdome of Love, and You Come Through anchors this record with a sense of hope and hopelessness, reading as an uncannily accurate meth-fueled state of the union (not that I would know what that feels like...).

I FEEL LIKE DANCING...

MILLIONAIRES

2005-10-13T15:10:00.000-07:00

MILLIONAIRES
you
no faces
no faces at all
laughing at nothing
let me tell you
i have drunk in skidrow rooms with imbecile winos
whose cause was better
whose eyes still held some light whose voices retained some sensibility
and when the morning came
we were sick but not ill
poor but not deluded
and we stretched in our beds
and rose in the late afternoon
like millionaires

By Charles Bukowski

BURNER PICTURE

2005-10-07T11:48:00.000-07:00

A SNAPSHOT FROM BURNING MAN

Thanks Erin...

BUSH SAYS GOD TOLD HIM TO ATTACK IRAQ

2005-10-06T15:33:00.000-07:00

BUSH SAYS GOD TOLD HIM TO ATTACK IRAQ
WASHINGTON: The mystery as to why US President George Bush decided to invade Iraq stands resolved. It was God who told him to do so, he told Palestinian leaders two years ago. Not only Iraq, but Afghanistan also got invaded because of a divine directive. This is the first time the president, a born-again Christian, has claimed that God communicates with him direct. God also told him, he said, to create a Palestinian state. This revelation about the US president’s inspiration and statecraft is due to be made in a BBC programme to be broadcast on October 10. In it, the Palestinian prime minister and foreign minister describe their first meeting with President Bush in June 2003. Foreign Minister Nabil Shaath says, “President Bush said to all of us: ‘God would tell me, ‘George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan and end tyranny in Iraq.’” khalid hasan.

Like I said there is a fine line between religious awakening and mania...

YOUR MOMENT OF ZEN

AN EXTRAORDINARY MACHINE

2005-10-05T10:39:00.000-07:00

AN EXTRAORDINARY MACHINE

It has been six years since Fiona Apple released her last album (When The Pawn...), and after changing producers, leaked MP3's and other conspiracy theories, Apple returns with a vengeance. After hearing her original takes with producer Jon Brion, I wasn't impressed with the original version of Extraordinary Machine, but with the release of re-recorded version (produced by Mike Elizondo), I am glad she she switched producers. The original version of Extraordinary Machine sounded too much like I was in a carnival, it was too playful, and it lacked the intensity that Apple projects in her music. The new version is a much more powerful emotional whirlwhind. It's amazing how slight beat changes and progressions can change the music so much. Basically the lyrics and the beats are all the same, but the construction of each song is so completely different. This is an album worth waiting for, so take a bite and dig in.

MY DEATH WILL CONSIST OF...
My death will consist of a murder or a car crash, perhaps something exciting like cancer, but I'm never that lucky to always get what I want. I just had a root canal, when they numbed my gums, I felt like one of those people who survived a stroke. I went to get a Vanilla Ice Blended at the Coffee Bean afterwards and I was drooling all over the place because my lips couldn't keep in all the juice. I love the Coffee Bean, it feels like a coffee place, and I feel like I am in some exotic Pacific Island when I am inside. I just got the latest Death Cab For Cutie CD, it rocks, but I'm not emo. How come you have to be emo to listen to Death Cab?? I hate that. I don't know why I have so many issues with being labeled of emo, perhaps its because it makes me think of all those snot nosed skater kids, and I can't stand to believe that they're listening to DCFC and not Blink-182 or Green Day, or perhaps its just because I hate labels.

RACISM IS ALIVE AND WELL

2005-09-30T10:06:00.000-07:00

RACISM IS ALIVE AND WELL
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Congressional Democrats blasted former Education Secretary William Bennett on Thursday for saying that aborting "every black baby in this country" would reduce the crime rate, and demanded their Republican counterparts do the same.

"This is precisely the kind of insensitive, hurtful and ignorant rhetoric that Americans have grown tired of," said Rep. Bobby Rush, D-Illinois.

Bennett, who held prominent posts in the administrations of former presidents Ronald Reagan and George Bush, told a caller to his syndicated radio talk show Wednesday: "If you wanted to reduce crime, you could -- if that were your sole purpose -- you could abort every black baby in this country and your crime rate would go down.

"That would be an impossibly ridiculous and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down," he said.

I was really disturbed by such a blatant and ignorant statement made by someone who held a high and influential position in government. I thought that as a society we have made strides in bridging the gap between whites and minorities, but this statement just puts to the fore front that we are still a long way from getting along.

EVER HAD ONE OF THOSE DAYS???

2005-09-29T12:43:00.000-07:00

HAVE YOU EVER HAD ONE OF THOSE DAYS????
Have you ever had one those days in which nothing makes sense and all you want to do is crawl back into your shell like a turtle? Ever had one of those days in which you just want to pull your hair out, but you can't because you have none? Ever had one those days in which you feel like everyone is ganging up against you for no particular reason? Ever had one of those days in which people are making judgments about your character and you as a person? Ever had one of those days in which you feel like you are misunderstood? Ever had one of those days in which you are unable to properly communicate how you truly feel, and so everyone around you gets the wrong message or the wrong idea? Ever had one of those days in which people tell you what you can and can not do? Ever had one of those days where you just want to be left alone to swim in your own thoughts? Ever had one of those days in which you have to feel defensive because people are prying into your own personal business? Ever had one of those days when people impose their own values, beliefs, and perceptions on you? Ever had one of those days when you feel a little closer to God than you did the day before? Ever had one of those days where you feel trapped in a corner? Ever had one of those days where you baited into an argument that you can not win? Ever had one of those days where you feel like the walls are closing in on you? Ever had one of those days when the dentist forgets to inject you with anesthesia? Ever had one of those days? Have you? Well I have...

WHERE DO SEEDLESS WATERMELONS COME FROM?

2005-09-27T10:45:00.000-07:00

WHERE DO SEEDLESS WATERMELONS COME FROM?
The obvious question asked about growing seedless watermelons is: "How does one obtain seed of a seedless watermelon?" Obviously, you cannot save seed from a seedless watermelon. So, where do the seeds come from? Simply stated, the number of chromosomes (the threadlike bodies within cells that contain the inheritance units called genes) in a normal watermelon plant is doubled by the use of the chemical colchicine. Doubling a normal (diploid) watermelon results in a tetraploid plant (one having four sets of chromosomes). When the tetraploid plant is bred back, or pollinated, by a diploid or normal plant, the resulting seed produces a triploid plant that is basically a "mule" of the plant kingdom, and it produces seedless watermelons. Seed of seedless varieties are available from most major seed companies.
- by Jerry Parsons

SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO PULL MY HAIR OUT

2005-09-26T11:24:00.000-07:00

SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO PULL MY HEART OUT, BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY...
I was on a roll this morning. I woke up and went to my office, and I was inspired to write something really profound and thought provoking. So I opened up my blogger, and began my exploration of deep personal thoughts about individuality, conformity, capitalism, and realism. It was an intense deconstruction of myself and how I rationalized the decisions I have made in life. I was very impressed, and I tooted my horn quiet a few times. After a few hours of editing, and careful disection, I was finally ready to post it. And for whatever reason blogger wouldn't accept it, and I lost everything. I was unable to recover what I write. It's really frustrating. I tried to rewrite it, but the inspiration and purpose was already lost, and I was left trying to grab every little bit of my bald head to express my frustration. This is not the first time that I have written something so profound in my blog only to have wiped away thanks to bloggers mistimed timer. I hope can mentally recover some of those insights and post them here one day.

LOOK AT THE STARS...

2005-09-21T12:06:00.000-07:00

LOOK AT THE STARS...
After finishing Lee Strobel's book, The Case For A Creator, I've been piqued by my own spiritual exploration. One of the things that has really soaked in me is a quote from Alister McGrath.

Many have found that the awesome sight of the star-studded heavens evoke a sense of wonder, an awareness of transcendence, that is charged with spiritual significance. Yet the distant shimmering of stars does not itself create this sense of longing; it merely exposes what is already there. They are catalysts for our spiritual insights, revealing our emptiness and compelling us to ask whether and how this void might be filled.

Might our true origins and destiny somehow lie beyond those stars? Might there not be a homeland, from which we are presently exiled and to which we secretly long to return? Might not our accumulation of discontenment and disillusionment with our present existence be a pointer to another land where our true destiny lies and which is ableto make its presence felt now in this haunting way?

Suppose that this is not where we are meant to be but that a better land is at hand? We don't belong here. We have somehow lost our way. Would not this make our present existence both strange and splendid? Strange, because it is not where our true destiny lies; splendid because it points ahead to where that real hope might be found. The beauty of the night skies or a glorious sunset are important pointer to the origins and the ultimate fulfillment of our heart's deepest desires. But if we mistake the signpost for what is singposted, we will attach our hopes and longings to lesser goals, which cannot finally quench our thirst for meaning.

MEET SUFJAN STEVENS

2005-09-20T09:34:00.000-07:00

MEET SUFJAN STEVENS

In the world of indie folk rock music, Sufjan Stevens is that rare breed that can make Christianity, excellent storytelling, and intimate folk melodies blend into one amazing charismatic masterpiece. His songs are thoughtful, biblical, contemplative, and ambitious - he plans to memorialize every last state of the union. While most white Christian rock is basically vilified by the mainstream, and is criticized for lack of substance, Stevens has escaped the same criticism. He is loved by both Christian and non-Christian audiences.

In his interview with Pitchfork Magazine, Stevens says, "when people react reflexively to material that is religious, they're reacting to the culture of religion. And I think an enlightened person is capable, on some level, of making the distinction between the institution of the culture and the culture itself. The institution of Christianity, the way that it's set up, it's institutionalized and comodified, and anytime that happens, anytime it's incorporated, it leads to disaster. I'm on the same page as everyone. I have the same knee-jerk reaction to that kind of culture. Maybe I'm a little more empathetic to it because we have similar fundamental beliefs. But culturally and aesthetically, some of it is really embarrassing."

The question that Sufjan Stevens poses in his last two albums, Michigan and Illinois, is can a person be a liberal, enlightened, modern person, and still believe in God? It is a question that he doesn't have an answer. It is a question that I am currently struggling with. It's a much deeper conviction, and it's larger than you and me. It is a question of God, existence, destiny, and faith. Answers to these questions all have implications, and its nice to see an artist exploring this aspect of the human experience.

THOUGHTS ON LOS ANGELES
"Los Angeles is Magic. It's yellow-orange-red and the smog makes everything blurry in a good way. I hate when people come to Los Angeles and just bitch, bitch bitch. I know it's not New York. I know it's not Chicago. Yes, some of the people here are fake. Shut up and go home."
-Ileana Douglas

TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY

2005-09-19T09:25:00.000-07:00

TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY
Avast, me hearties! Shiver Me Tivers! In celebration of Talk Like A Pirate Day, here are ten pickup lines to use for International Talk Like A Pirate Day.

10. Come on up and see me urchins.
9. Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?
8. How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?
7. Wanna shiver me timbers?
6. That’s the finest pirate booty I’ve ever laid eyes on.
5. I’ve sailed the seven seas, and you’re the sleekest schooner I’ve ever sighted.
4. Well blow me down!
3. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.
2. That’s some treasure chest you’ve got there.
1. Brwaack! Polly want a cracker? … Oh, wait. That’s for Talk Like a PARROT Day.

BURNING MAN: PRICELESS

2005-09-12T10:28:00.000-07:00

BURNING MAN: PRICELESS

THE FACTS OF LIFE

2005-09-07T14:47:00.000-07:00

THE FACTS OF LIFE

THE MAN IS UP

2005-09-01T16:37:00.000-07:00

THE MAN IS UP
Gosh it's not supposed to hurt this much. It is so gut wrenching to realize that all my playa bears and bunnies are frolicking around in the desert right now. I manage to steal some pictures from the set up of Burning Man to appease my appetite, but it has let me hungry for more.

THE SAD REALITY

2005-08-29T09:33:00.000-07:00

THE SAD REALITY

Today I woke up realizing that my dream of attending Burning Man this year will not come to fruition, and that is depressing. I've known for a week or so that I would not be able to go, but its really sinking in right now. Something tugs at my heart, and I feel completely empty and barren. I don't think anyone can really comprehend the emotional waterfall that one goes through when they experience a sojourn like Burning Man. I'm going to cry now...

STUFF ON MY CAT

2005-08-25T13:41:00.000-07:00

STUFF ON MY CAT

Now I can truly say that Stuff On My Cat is one of the funniest things on the web. I love cats, but there is something about them that just makes you want to stick markers, lighters, and cell phones on them...

FLAMING MOE'S

2005-08-24T11:28:00.000-07:00

FLAMING MOE'S

When the weight of the world has got you down,
and you want to end your life.
Bills to pay, a dead end job,
and problems with the wife.
Well don't throw in the towel
cause there's a place right down the block.
Where you can drink your miseries away.
At fla-ming Moes. Where liquor in a mug will warm you like a hug.
Let's all go to flaming Moe's Flaming Moe's
And happiness is just a flaming Moe away.
Happiness is just a flaming Moe away

COLDPLAY LIVE

2005-08-23T09:48:00.000-07:00

COLDPLAY LIVE

Coldplay does not disappoint in their amazing live performance. Chris Martin has the charisma, humility, and passion that is really inspiring to watch, he is Jim Morrisson, Tori Amos, and Bono all rolled up into one. It is really fun to watch an artist at the peak of his creation. The night was perfect, the full moon seemed to hang right above the stage, and provided an backlight to the performance. Johanna and I had amazing seats on the lawn, and although we were the only ones really dancing in our area, it did little to burst our bubble. The stage was really amazing, but it did not distract from the music. Their tribute to Johnny Cash was worth the price of admission in itself.

BAD KITTY!

shiver

2005-08-18T15:24:00.000-07:00

SHIVER
So I look in your direction,
But you pay me no attention, do you.
I know you don’t listen to me.
’cause you say you see straight through me, don’t you.

On and on from the moment I wake,
To the moment I sleep,
I’ll be there by your side,
Just you try and stop me,
I’ll be waiting in line,
Just to see if you care.

Did you want me to change?
Well I change for good.
And I want you to know.
That you’ll always get your way,
I wanted to say,

Don’t you shiver? shiver, shiver

I’ll always be waiting for you,
So you know how much I need ya,
But you never even see me, do you?

And this is my final chance of getting you.

On and on from the moment I wake....
Did you want me to change? ...

Sing it loud and clear.
I’ll always be waiting for you.
Yeah I’ll always be waiting for you.
And it’s you I see, but you don’t see me.
And it’s you I hear, so loud and clear.
I sing it loud and clear.
And I’ll always be waiting for you,.
So I look in your direction,
But you pay me no attention,
And you know how much I need you,
But you never even seen me.

THIS TEMPORARY LIFE

2005-08-15T09:10:00.000-07:00

THIS TEMPORARY LIFE
Nothing in this world is ever guaranteed. The preciousness of life, often taken for granted, is a gift we all need to cherish. I learned today that one of my biggest supporters here at work died from a fatal car accident this Friday. She died next to her husband. It's very tragic. I've known her for four years, and I can't remember a week since I started working here that she didn't stop by to see me or call me on the phone with her questions. She gave me the weirdest presents for Christmas, but I always appreciated it. Last time I saw her was last week, we were counting up votes from our recent election. I'm going to miss her accent, her messages in my answering machine. This has been a tough year for me, but death has a way of challenging me, forcing me to reasses my priorities, and set goals of what I want to accomplish in life.

IT'S A MAD MAD WORLD

WISDOM FROM TRAINSPOTTING

2005-08-11T15:10:00.000-07:00

WISDOM FROM TRAINSPOTTING
Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed- interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing sprit- crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons.

So why did I do it? I could offer a million answers, all false. The truth is that I'm a bad person, but that's going to change, I'm going to change. This is the last of this sort of thing. I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm going to be just like you: the job, the family, the fucking big television, the washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electrical tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisurewear, luggage, three-piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing the gutters, getting by, looking ahead, to the day you die.

BE GOOD

2005-08-10T10:14:00.000-07:00

A WEEKEND IN PICTURES

BE GOOD
People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be
shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind.
Think big anyway.
What you spend years building may
be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack if you help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have
and you might get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE

2005-08-04T08:59:00.000-07:00

ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE
Miranda July's "Me and You and Everyone We Know" is a film that with quiet confidence creates a fragile magic. It's a comedy about falling in love when, for you, love requires someone who speaks your rare emotional language. Yours is a language of whimsy and daring, of playful mind games and bold challenges. Hardly anybody speaks that language, the movie suggests -- only me, and you, and everyone we know, because otherwise we wouldn't bother knowing them.

As a description of a movie, I suppose that sounds maddening. An example: A young woman walks into a department store, and in the shoe department, she sees a young man who fascinates her. His hand is bandaged. She approaches him and essentially offers the gift of herself. He is not interested; he's going through a divorce and is afraid of losing his children. She asks him how he hurt his hand. "I was trying to save my life," he says. We've already seen how it happened: He covered his hand with lighter fluid and set it on fire to delight his two sons. He didn't think lighter fluid really burns you when you do that. He was wrong. He was thinking of rubbing alcohol.

Now imagine these two characters, named Christine (Miranda July) and Richard (John Hawkes) as they walk down the street. She suggests that the block they are walking down is their lives. And so now they are halfway down the street and halfway through their lives, and before long they will be at the end. It is impossible to suggest how poetic this scene is; when it's over, you think, that was a perfect scene, and no other scene can ever be like it.

Richard and Christine are at the center of the film, but through Richard's sons, we meet other characters. His 7-year-old is named Robby, and is played by Brandon Ratcliff, who read my review from Sundance and wrote me a polite and helpful letter in which he assured me he's as smart as an 11-year-old. In the movie, he visits an online sex chat room even though he knows nothing about sex. He knows enough about computers to sound like he does, however, by cutting and pasting words, and using open-ended questions. Asked what turns him on, he writes "poop," not because it does, but possibly because it is the only word he can spell that he thinks has something to do with the subject.

His 14-year-old brother Peter (Miles Thompson) is being persecuted by two girls in his class named Heather (Natasha Slayton) and Rebecca (Najarra Townsend). They are intensely interested in oral sex, but unsure about its theory and technique. They decide to practice on Peter. I know this sounds perverse and explicit, and yet the fact is, these scenes play with an innocence and tact that is beyond all explaining. They are about what an embarrassment and curiosity sex is when you're old enough to know it exists, but too young to know how it's done and what it's for. They are much intrigued by a neighbor who is a dirty old man in theory, but not in practice.

Other characters have other plans for perfect lifetimes. Young Peter, once he shakes off the relentless Heather and Rebecca, is fascinated by Sylvie (Carlie Westerman), a 10-year-old neighbor who does comparison shopping to get the best price on kitchen appliances. Peter catches her ironing some towels. They are going straight into her hope chest, she explains. She is preparing her own dowry. Her future husband, when she grows up and finds him, had better be ready to be good and married.

There is also an art curator (Tracy Wright) who has a strange way of evaluating art, as if she's afraid it may violate rules she's afraid she doesn't know. She has a sexual hunger that proves particularly hard to deal with. She is, however, able to project her longings into the uncomprehending world; the strategy she uses, and the result it brings, is a scene of such inevitability and perfection that we laugh at least partly out of admiration.

-Roger Ebert

ON FAITH

2005-08-03T15:16:00.000-07:00

ON FAITH
I’ve always believed that faith is an important aspect in a person’s life. I find it suspicious when people are lacking any sort of faith, whether it's faith in God, truth, justice, or the American way. Faith is a common thread that ties humanity together, and it has always been a focal point of our family. Myearliest memories of childhood all involved attending church on Sundays with my family, celebrating all feasts sanctioned by the Catholic church. One of my responsibilities as a kid was reading the bible to my father, it was nightly ritual that reaffirmed my relationship with him. While all the other kids were reading Dr. Seuss, I was reading The Old Testament to my father every night. It continues to be one of the lasting memories I have of my father. When I went to Catholic school, I spent three years as a devoted altar boy. I went to mass every weekday morning for three years to serve as an altar boy at the school. I loved the redundancy and ritualistic efficacy of Catholicism. As a child it provided me with stability, discipline, purpose, and confidence.

Then somewhere along the way, doubt, ignorance, and fear came along, and before you know it, faith slips into the nether regions of your consciousness. During high school and college, I tried to reinvigorate my faith, by learning about various religions, and engaging myself in philosophy and science, but it became far too easy for me to place my faith in complex theories, discourses, philosophies, and ideas that were being introduced to me. And for a while, Descartes, Socrates, Foucault, Marx, Derridas, Habermas, Proust, Nietsche, Aristotle, and Heidegger were my gods, and they were my truth. Philosophy became a lonely faith for me, it was hard to find people that had a good understanding of philosophical thought, so over the years my faith in philosophy has slowly withered (even though I cling to it premise every once in a while). When I was going through dark times, I found solace in philosophy instead of the bible.

Over the past couple of years, I have been keenly aware of my faith. After everything I had studied, read, and experienced, everything all boiled down to God. Even re-reading some of my favorite philosophers, it seems as if all their ideas somehow returned back to God. I had been exploring my faith in various personal manners, it was something that I kept private. I wanted to explore my self and my faith without any external influences. But I am beginning to understand that faith is not a solitary endeavor, it takes a village to nurture that faith within me. After my father died certain things began to change, I became more aware of my soul. I began to ask myself questions, poke at my own beliefs, and I am more willing to go deeper into this rabbit hole, reach deeper within me. I know something is tugging underneath.

So where am I? Beliefs are supposed to be truth. If I believe that God exists, then I can not say that “I don’t think God exists.”. I am finding that it is not obvious that religion has to be a matter of truth or untruth, and that being religious has nothing to do with assessing what is true and false. I am beginning to separate religion from beliefs. I have to rethink the way I think about religious institutions, and how it fits in my life. Perhaps accepting a religion may be more like enjoying a painting, following a sports team or band. The practices and rituals serving as an emotional or social guideline. When I was in my father’s funeral mass, I wasn’t interested in hearing the truth, I was there to mourn, reflect, and meditate on a departed life. If we were a family of atheist, I don’t think we would’ve been able to properly deal with the emotional and social ramifications of losing a loved one. So when I admit to myself that God exists, it’s not the same way that I say the sun exists, or that this pen exists. It is more like expressing joy, love, or excitement. Because of this, my admission of God’s existence is immune from criticism of whether it is true or false.

But is faith and belief in God enough? How does the religious institution fit into my life? One of the biggest misconceptions I’ve had about religion (specifically Christianity), is that they all believe the same principles, rituals, and practices, the same way that Catholicism is standardized throughout the world. You can go to a catholic church in Manila, Rome, Mexico City, or Stuttgart, and even if you don’t know the language you would still be familiar with the rituals and teachings of the mass. Christianity has multiple sects and subgroups, all belonging to one giant umbrella of Christiandom. I need to find that niche, that community where I can practice and nurture my faith, and let it thrive. It's an exciting time in my life, and I am looking forward to exploring this aspect of my life.

FLASHBACK FROM THE PHILIPPINES

2005-08-02T16:12:00.000-07:00

FLASHBACK FROM THE PHILIPPINES

TODAY I HATE MY BLOG

2005-07-30T13:22:00.000-07:00

TODAY I HATE MY BLOG
My blog sometimes takes a life on its own. There are times in which I am best friends with my blog, and there are other times in which we just hate each other. My blog presents a side of who I am and what I stand for, but its only a facet that I allow strangers to read. Sometimes people reach conclusions about who I am from my blog without really taking the time to get to know me. They think they have me all pegged out after reading my blog. It's kinda sad. This blog was initially created to document my personal insights and growth, and it has evolved into this living breathing monster that wanders all over the internet.

Today I hate my blog. He is annoying me. He is mad at me because I am not spending enough time with him. He thinks I'm distracted, he is feeling envious. My blog is suspicious of the time I am spending with certain persons that have entered my life. He does not think we are communicating as well as we used. He claims that I am writing facetitious entries, and that I am beating around the bush, and I am not sharing how I feel with him. So I yelled at him. I slammed the door behind me. I told him to mind his own business. This is my life. And my personal life will no longer be shared with him and this digital world that he lives in. He tried calling me on my cellphone, but I wouldn't answer his phone calls. We are not speaking to each other. He sends me flowers and cards, but I don't need to take that kind of shit from my blog or anyone's blog. He knows I love him, but I'm not going to give him the satisfaction right now. So blog, I say blog, "Screw You!!, and you can go to hell!!".

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Back To Basics (4 Strings), Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect (The Decemberists), Missing - Royksopp Remix (Beck), The Understanding (Royksopp), Vessel In Vain (Smog), Last Boat To America (David Gray), Unity - I Love You (Ben Watt), and Clark Gable (Postal Service).

T-SHIRTS THAT MAKE ME GIGGLE

2005-07-25T10:35:00.000-07:00

T-SHIRTS THAT MAKE ME GIGGLE LIKE A LITTLE GIRL

These T-Shirts are available at Busted Tees

EVERYBODY'S FREE TO WEAR SUNCREEN

2005-07-21T16:47:00.000-07:00

EVERYBODY'S FREE TO WEAR SUNSCREEN
By Baz Luhrmann
If I could offer you only one tip for the future suncreen would be it. The long term benefits of suncreen have been proven by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now...

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, never mind that you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth, until they've faded; but trust me in twenty years you'll look back at photos of yourself, and you'll recall in a way you can't grasp now. How much possibilty lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagined.

Don't worry about the future or worry, and know that worrying is about as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum the real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind the kind that blind sides you at 4pm on some idle tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you. Sing. Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes your ahead, sometimes your behind, the race is long and in the end its only with yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this tell me. keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch. Don't feel guilty if you don't know what to do with your life, the most ineresting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't. Get plenty of calcium, be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have kids, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary, but whatever you do don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body, use it everyway you can. Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own. Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents you never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings, they're your best link to your past, and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few that stay youshould hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, where as the older you get the more you need the people you knew.

When you are young, live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicans will fillander. You too will get old and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you'll have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse, but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair, by the time your 40, it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth but trust me - on the sunscreen

Everybody's free