COWBOYS AND INDIANS
During our trip to
Durango, Alex and I stopped over at Prescott, AZ, home of the world's oldest active rodeo. It was quite an experience. I learned a lot about the rural American lifestyle, and discovered a little bit about middle America. Rodeos became the centerpiece of this community. There was pride in the children and the adults, and knowledge and appreciation of the southwestern culture were definitely passed down from each generation to the next in this event. I felt like an outsider looking in, but I also felt the hospitality and the friendliness from each smile. This was a community that wasn't going to hide from their rural culture. I respected their culture, lifestyle, and personality. So I promised myself to make no more redneckor mullet jokes (at least not for the rest of the summer).
Driving through Navajo Nation was a reality check, it reminded me of how this country was won on the blood shed by Native Americans. I've always been indifferent to Native American culture; I never really had any interest in it even though one of my favorite professors always encouraged me to study Native American culture. Passing through their history as we drove through the 15 FWY, I regretted not doing that. I know I will make more of a conscious effort to read up on Native American culture.
DURANGO
Durango suffocated me. At almost 7,000 miles above sea level, I was breathing for oxygen after walking up a set of stairs. This was middle whitebread cracker America, complete with a Wallmart and JC Penney. I counted 4 minorities during my stroll through downtown Durango, and I counted myself. Despite its lack of diversity I felt welcomed, and I
felt the hospitality of the city. They had genuine smiles, and conversations, it was so different from L.A. People were actually courteous while they were driving. There was a definite family atmosphere in this 20,000 strong community. Could I ever settle here with my family? Yes. Could I ever live here by myself? Hell fucking no, I'd shoot myself.
When I met Alex's host family, I was instantly stricken by their sincerity, friendliness, and joy. We were given homemade meals, everything from the meat, salad, to the ice cream. It was wonderfully corny. Even the daughter with the shy, conservative, and Macaroni-salad blonde hair, they welcomed me with open arms, and I instantly felt like Beaver Cleaver. It was so cheesily delicious.
GRUMPY OLD MAN
Charlie is Alex's former host-father. Charlie is a retired Air force man, and there is one thing he loves in life, beer. We instantly hit it off, we hung out in his den, as we drank Keystone Lights (which he gets at the local Sam's club for $10 a 30 pack). We talked about beer, traveling, and the Air Force. We talked about the simplicity of life. This was a man who started out as a gas station attendant when he was my age, and ended up as a leading Traffic Control Educator for the U.S. Air Force. He had fought in Vietnam, and had lived in Germany, Saudi Arabia, Thailand, and the Philippines. The other thing that Charlie liked to do was start trouble with big corporations. Since he has retired he has really nothing else to do but sue corporations that have been stealing his minerals for years. He enjoys it and is proud of it. I want to be a grumpy old drunk man when I'm at his age. This was one of the happiest men I had ever met...
TRUST
Perhaps we were due for it, but during this trip, Alex and I reached a fork on the road. And it was damn big fork. We had been inseparable for weeks since we had started our relationship, and this was supposed to be the trip that would further our resolve for each other. Instead it became a constant emotional struggle for us to communicate, comprehend, and trust each other.
Every relationship reaches a point where a line is drawn on the sand, and it either continues on its journey or it flutters like a car which has just run out of gas. I don't know which path we're both going to take, but I know its something that has to crossed. Trust is a vital part of any friendship or relationship, and I firmly believe we have to have a solid foundation of trust for each other if we can grow and cultivate our relationship, especially since she is leaving at the end of this month. We already have an uncertain future, and without trust there is nothing to bind us together when we are 5,200 miles away from each other. There is no right or wrong answer to this situation, its just a matter of trust.
MEMO TO THE REAL WORLD
I am not perfect.
I will lie, cheat, and steal,
and I will not wash my own dishes.
I am not honest.
I will provoke, accuse, and blame others,
and I will not put the toilet seat up.
I am not clean.
I will attack, annoy, and fight the innocent,
and I will not feel remorse.
I am not pure.
I will contaminate, annihilate, and destroy,
and I will not clean up my mess.
I am not innocent.
I will be greedy, selfish, and angry,
and I will not apologize for them.
I am not flawless.
I will hurt, fight, and cry,
and I will not regret any of my emotions.
I am not brilliant.
I will burn, bury, and step on the weak,
and I will not feel sympathy.
I am not righteous.
I will backstab, kick, and doublecross the gods,
and I will not be fair.
I am not immaculate.
I will harass, hunt, and pillage the naive,
and I will not leave a soul unscathed.
I am not who you think I am.
I will never be who you think I am.
I am a misfit. I am a criminal. I am a liar.
I am a rebel. I am awarrior. I am a murderer.
I am a shark.
I am a lover. I am a poet. I am a teacher.
I am a healer. I am a leader. I am a creator.
I am a flower.
I am not the Prince Charming
or Knight with the Shining armor of your dreams.
I am simply a frog who will never turn into a prince.
I will disappoint. I will let you down. I will fail.
I will breakdown. I will fall apart.
I will care. I will listen. I will embrace you.
I will nurture. I will be tender.
I will run with scissors and I will play with fire.
I am not the superman you thought I was.
I am nothing but a witless drunk,
who writes miserable poems on napkins.
Please don't try to figure it out, it will never make sense.
And once you think you've figured it out,
I'm sure I'll have something up my sleeve
that will destroy your perception of me;
So don't bother to figure it out,
I'm pretty sure I'll disappoint you anyway.
After all I am just human...
and yet despite my imperfections,
I can still
LOVE.
5 THINGS I LEARNED FROM THIS TRIP:
5. I am not like 9 out of 10 people you will ever meet.
4. I surpisingly have incredible respect for the Star Spangled Banner.
3. Whitebread Country Crackers love me.
2. I have reached a better understanding of the mullet (but I still don't like it).
1. I can be a pissy little motherfucker...
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: The Forest (The Cure), Sing (Travis), It's Not The End of The World (Super Furry Animals), Overture 1812 (Peter Ilych Tchaikovsky), Bad (U2), I Remember You (Skid Row), Hoops (Chemical Brothers), and Bette Davis Eyes (Bonnie Tyler).