Tuesday, August 31, 2004


The dust storms arrive, so this is how the desert weeds out the meek. The sandstorms crash with 45-60mph winds. Dust clouds are so thick that your visibility is nothing but a few feet away. You have to wear goggles and dust masks. Everyone looks like a bandit walking around. I just didn't want to lie around our camp all day as the dust storm swept through our things, so I decided to go and hang out at Center Camp. The Center Camp is home to various activities, primarily it is the place where people share information, buy some coffee or tea, do some yoga, and watch the hippies do some amazing tricks with their bodies.

Darcy and I hung out there for most of the afternoon. Then I met Julia from Santa Monica, she was wearing a red translucent dress and a Chinese straw hat. She had a pleasant and smooth way about her. She was giving everyone free henna tattoos, she offered to give me one, but I didn't really know what kind of Henna tattoo I wanted. So I told her to make something up and put on my hand. I thought she was going to do something quick and simple, but instead she created this intricate visualization of Om. I was quickly interested, she gave me a quick lesson of Hinduism, and the idea of Om (the sound of the universe). I felt blessed that she took the time to create this beautiful artwork on my hand and explained it to me.

Later that night Darcy and I decided to brave the dust and cold of the desert air, so I brought out my Trojan armour, and Darcy made a "Wino" sign, and we were just going to walk around the Esplanade and give everyone a glass of wine. The plan didn't work so well because the dust storms were so powerful. Our visibility was extremely low, and the winds were tirelessly destroying each watt of electricity that we had within us. We called it an early night, and went to bed fairly early. 2AM that was the earliest I went to sleep.

10. Assistant District Attorney in a major California city.
9. Elementary Art School Teacher
8. Pharmacist
7. Investment Banker
6. Ex-Greek Orthodox Minister
5. Cowboy
4. Professor at M.I.T.
3. Dominatrix
2. Squatter
1. Sex Consultant

I'm starting to becoming fairly cynical with this place. I've been reading the PISS CLEAR (The Alternative Press of Burning Man), and I'm trying hard to sell this whole BM experience short. It's easy to be cynical and critical of BM. But I am making an effort to truly experience BM for myself. And the only way to that is by exploring every single corner of its existence by getting lost in the flurry of activity that happens around the BRC. I usually read the program to start at an interesting place, then I allow myself to get lost in its myriad of events. I love getting lost. It is so fun.

I am slowly feeling more comfortable with more surroundings. I am starting to feel as if I belong here and that the people in this city are becoming more like family. The ideas of self-expression, selflessness, sharing, and community has really created a warm and genuine affection within me. The kindness of strangers is such a wonderful thing to be a part of. I have a greater sense of family here than I do with my family during Thanksgiving or Christmas.

Monday, August 30, 2004


Monday was the first day that we were all able to play, we had finished our theme camp, but the desert heat was sapping all our energy. I spent most of the day doing jewelry making with Darcy in out jewelry tent. There were some people that stopped by, and it was fun to meet all the camps that were arriving at our block. Here is a quick capsule of the theme camps within our vicinity:

1. ANIMAL CONTROL - The funniest theme camp and probably my favorite theme camp in BM. They brought an art car and made it into an Animal Control van. They would go out throughout the city and randomly pickup all the people that were dressed in animal costumes. They would then give him rabies shots (which was just a bottle of liquor), and then hold them in their camp until someone adopts them. While they are imprisoned they gave them things to play and such. The best thing about their camp is that they took their jobs so seriously, all of them had their red jumpsuits, and they just walked around the cities, proclaiming their duties in saving humanity from "these god-damn animals..."
2. WHITE DRAGON NOODLE BAR - These group of friends from Virginia made the best noodles in town, all they did was serve noodles with mushrooms, and watered-down rum punch, and their little shack had lines throughout the street. This was my favorite hideaway whenever sandstorms approached.
3. LUNA CITY - These were guy were a little slow in developing their yurt, but once they were up, they were one of the few camps that didn't play techno, so they were popular with me.
4. ADULT PLAYGROUND - Pilot and Bo and the rest of their ragtag crew of misfits created this adult playground full of adult sized see-saws and trampoulines. Unfortunately they were located right across from Kidsville, so all the kids from Kidsville ended up playing with their equipment, it rare to see any adults playing with their equipment. But they were all so laid back and cool that it didn't matter.
5. ANOINTMENT - Eric had a small little camp next to us that offered foot salves to help your feet from walking on the desert. I went to his little camp almost every day and those salves were just wonderful for my feet.
6. TESTIFY - I don't know what their purpose was, they really had flimsy tent which was wiped out pretty early due to the sandstorms. I kinda felt sorry for the only guy they had in their camp. He was with 6 girls, and it seemed like he did most of the work, while the rest of the girls went out to play.
7. DAMN FUCKING TEXANS - I loved hanging out with these eclectic crew of Texans and wanna-be Texans. They played great music, and they were just right across Animal Control, and we had entertainment all day as we see all the captured animals.
8. TIKIDOM - Didn't spent too much time there but the Celery and Peanut Butter lunches were delicious.
9. ANONYMOUS - They had AA meetings everyday right across from my tent, then we would have our open bar in the afternoons, I was so tempted to just walk across the street, peek inside their tent and yell "Free Liquor!!"
10. NOVA - Thank you to that naked Asian lady who would ride her bike in front of me every morning every morning, who needs Starbucks when you can wake up like that every morning. Thank you!!

We all pretty much rested for our first real night of playtime at the Playa. There was an understanding in our camp that we were going to do the inevitable, so we rested, and didn't try too much to expend our energy. Our bodies were slowly still adjusting to the altitude and rigors of the desert life. We also had our full moon ritual lined up to bless our time here at the BRC. We had an excellent turnout, as Michelle led our ceremony, and we released this unbridled energy into the desert air; I think we all felt a collective adrenaline rush.

After the full moon ritual, a strange scene occurred at the Playaterium. There was a group of about a dozen participants who hung out in the Playaterium. Suddenly the generators failed and all the lights went out. Next thing I knew, I saw hands and arms moving, body parts being fondled, and and entire makeout session occurred. It was something so beautiful and wonderful. After a few minutes the lights went back on, which didn't stop most of them from their activity. They requested for the lights to be turned off, and we complied.

While we were all getting ready to go, Darcy and I felt a little anxious and decided to forge ahead and meet up with the rest of the group later. As Darcy and I stumbled our way on the Esplanade, we began searching for the appropriate club to go do some dancing, but most of the music being played were all down-tempo electronica, so after a few more clubs, we decided to go out on the Playa and look at all the art installations. I ran into A.B. at Luna Cafe, and we talked a little bit and caught up with some things.

We circumnavigated the playa and esplanade at least four times, which amounted to about 6 miles. The most fascinating art installation was the cube of ping pong balls which had specific movements and color changes within its scheme. It was fascinating to stare at this complex piece, full of intricate algorithms; it was beautiful. While walking around the Playa, I took a ride in the Party bus and met Squeeze. Squeeze was the hostess for this double decker party bus, complete with a stripper pole on the upper deck, and a DJ playing awesome songs on the bus. And we just danced and partied all night, until it got to cold to do anything else.

Walking around the Esplanade was very much like having Satellite television, just take 15 steps and you have a new channel. They had a theme camp for everyone. Goths, freaks, ravers, carnies, hippies, sadists, nudists, wannabes, whores, and so much more, tune in or tune out. There was either a genius or prankster lurking at each corner, and it was so deviantly wonderful and scary all at the same time. After we all drained our batteries, we retired back to our tents and freezed under the desert night sky.

Sunday, August 29, 2004


After a long sleep, we went back to work building our theme camp. We had shade structures, surrounding the centerpiece of our camp, the Playaterium. Other than Chris, I hadn't met anyone else in our camp. I had spoken to Michelle during the past week leading to Burning Man, but I really had no idea how all of our personalities were going to coalesce in this environment. Michelle easily took the mother-figure of the group, and I think she did a wonderful job; perhaps even too good of a job, that she had to sacrifice some of her BM experience because of it. Her husband, Rob, was a pleasantly wonderful teddy bear of a man. His playfulness and brute charm quickly stole me. They were a great and loving couple, and despite their age difference, they were able to accept and treat each other as equals. Darryl and Amanda worked hard in helping us set up camp, but I was a little concerned already on the first day about how they were able to experience Burning Man. They didn't seem to have the out-going personality that allows someone to truly enjoy BM. BM can be a lonely place for an introvert. Sis was the BM veteran of the group, claiming five Burns. She was the injury prone member of our group, and had already won the nickname of Oww! because she said it so many times. Darcy (from Atlanta) was the 8th member of the group, but she was an outsider as well, just like me. When she arrived, I became more inclined to hang out with her, because it was easy for us to relate with each other.

As we were slowly building out infrastructure within this community, I began to think about how my role in this community will develop. I have been involved in a lot of community building most of my life, and I have taken various roles in it, from leadership roles to subordinate roles, but I have never been comfortable about totally immersing myself in a single community as a whole. I tend to stay at the fringe of the community, just enough to contribute and participate, but not enough to get swallowed in its politics and structure. I cherish my independence so much, that sometimes I get clusterphobic when certain groups or organizations infiltrate that freedom. At first I became a little cynical about the entire BM experiment. Even in BM which preaches inclusion, there were methods within its nature that created exclusion as well. Can a true all-inclusion society truly exist? Can a Utopian exist in the middle of the desert? I am not convinced yet. But it is only Sunday, and BM hasn't really started.

I have no motives in coming to Burning Man. I want to write. I want peace. I want to capture inspiration. I want to live. I want to dance. I want love in its various forms, but most of all I wanted to experience life. Tabula Rasa (Clean Slate) seemed like an appropriate theme for me.

Saturday, August 28, 2004


It took us 14 hours to reach Black Rock City; we drove all through the night, passing the beautiful central plains of California, and the lushful scenic route over the Sierra Nevadas. With only a wink of sleep holding us for the past 2 days, we should have been tired and listless, but once we saw the great flat expanse of the Black Rock Desert, one cannot feel but awed and inspired. The desert sands were carefully laid out like a golden carpet anchored by two beautiful black mountain ranges. From a distance, the place looks desolate, dry, and barren, and slowly, but as you slowly approach the entrance to Burning Man you are quickly struck that you are in the middle of nowhere, there are no telephones, no cellular signal, and no contact with the outside world. This place could've been Mars, and we wouldn't have been able to tell the two apart. We were colonizing this place and creating our own culture and identity.

When we arrived on midday Saturday, the city was still slowly taking into shape, all the street signs were up, but there were still a lot of blocks that were empty. We were quickly greeted by the BM Greeters which welcomed us with an enthusiastic "Welcome Home!", and ritualized ringing of the Bell and spanking for the BM Virgins. Once we passed those gates, the surreal becomes the real. The size of Black Rock City is immense, it is organized to hold up 40,000 people. The streets are organized precisely with streets that follow uses a clock and links to Center Camp and concentric circles with names of planets which create create the main avenues of each street. Despite its simple structure, the place is so huge that it is very easy to lose yourself in its immensity.

When we finally found our little corner of this vast universe (at 5:30 and Venus), we quickly felt the energy of the place and started camp. Every time a Burner arrived on our street they welcomed us with a "Welcome Home!", and we returned that welcoming statement. It's a statement that we would come to repeat a thousand times as each vehicle passed us by. This was quickly becoming "home" for me. After a long afternoon of setting up our kitchen and living quarters, the sun slowly set behind the black mountains, and everyone in the city had a collective yell to say goodbye to the sun. It was so wonderful to experience that with so many people. Chris and I heard a call to witness the raising of "The Man", so we walked out to center camp, where a man with piercing eyes named Doc, offered to give us a ride. We accepted his offer and hitched on his truck. When we arrived "the Man" was still on a truck bed and was slowly being hoisted up. I was quickly struck by the nudity. Almost everyone there was naked, or were at least topless. I think Chris and I were a little conscious about not staring too much at all this flesh, so we tried our best to keep our sunglasses on and kept our head moving. When we looked around the Playa, we could see the structure of the city, it immensity and size was simply overwhelming.

After a few moments of casual conversations with the other people that had arrived, we met Anger Butterfly (A.B.), she was a volunteer at the Recycle Camp, and had been here for a while. She had a pleasant and mischievous way about her. She had thick glasses and boasted about her welding skills. She gave us a quick introduction into the Burning Man lore, and encouraged us to recycle. She professed her deep connection with BM, it was something that Chris and I were still a little foreign to, but we were eager to experience.

As the night slowly crept into the horizon, they were still having problems raising "the Man" so we decided to walk back to camp and get some more clothes because it was getting cold. Halfway back to camp we finally saw "the Man" rising above the Vault of Heaven, just as the sun faded on the horizon. We spent the rest of the night drinking, admiring the beautiful pulsating moon, and just hanging out getting to know each other. I already felt at home and our neighbors haven't arrived yet. The night was just spectacularly beautiful as I watched the moon slowly peer above the black mountains. The whole city howled and screamed in exhultation to welcome the moon. I was already feeling a little bit different, I knew it was going to be a great week.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

This is my last entry before going to Burning Man. I feel like I am undertaking a life-changing and philosophical journey, and I am excited. I have a feeling that when I come back things will be a little different. Every time I have traveled I have always returned a little bit changed by my experience, and that's a good thing. I allow myself to grow from things that I do. I don't know how this will come out in the end, but I know that this is something that have to experience. Burning Man will represent a lot for me. It's a way for me to introspectively discover myself.

Travelling has always been about people, and never has been about places. When I think about all the places I've gone, I don't think too much about the actual location or place, but rather the people that have shared a little bit of their lives with me. I am prepared to share a little bit of myself to 30,000 participants. I want to break new ground in my writing, art, and philosophy.

Just in case I get kidnapped by a marauding band of hippies, or abducted by anal probing space aliens, I love you all...

The atlantic was born today and i'll tell you how...
The clouds above opened up and let it out.

I was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere
When the water filled every hole.
And thousands upon thousands made an ocean,
Making islands where no island should go.

Those people were overjoyed; they took to their boats.
I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat.
The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flood lands to your door have been silenced forever more.
The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
It seems farther than ever before
Oh no.

I need you so much closer...

- Death Cab For Cutie

Wednesday, August 25, 2004


The October issue of Playboy will feature eight nude CGI spreads of video game characters. It's amazing how technology is slowly changing our ideas of sexuality. I've never been turned on by a video game character, but as technology continues to to reach closer in creating reality, I think it is possible the CGI characters will play a big part in our sexuality. The drawback to this scenario is that it will create unrealistic expectations of how men and women should be. Even today beauty is nothing but a nip or tuck away, but imagine a society where beauty is standardized by CGI characters.

I hate packing, and I hate unpacking. That is the only thing that I hate about travelling. Last night I spend most of the time creating a pile of stuff to bring in my garage. I know I'm going to forget something. I am planning to do a day of fast in Burning Man, just to kind cleanse my system. My diet is going to be typically be tuna, crackers, bread, and some canned meats. I am trying hard to hydrate myself as much as I can this week, so I can have the energy to handle the adjustment of the environment at 4,000 feet above sea level. I am trying to get as much sleep too, I know it's going to be hellish during our first few days there as we are setting up our camp. I am getting very anxious to leave, and escape the monotony of life here in LA.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004


A new machine that allows bar-hoppers to inhale liquor instead of drinking it is set to make its debut in New York City tomorrow night. The machine combines alcohol and oxygen to create an inhalable alcoholic mist.

It's called Alcohol Without Liquid -- or AWOL -- and it's already available in Europe and Asia. Its American distributor, Spirit Partners, is touting it as a low-carb, low-calorie and hangover-free alternative to drinking.

The AWOL Vaporizer has a built-in safety device because it takes about 20 minutes to inhale one vaporizer shot of alcohol. It is not something people are going to get very drunk on.

It is designed to allow people to enjoy the effects of alcohol mixed with oxygen. It promotes a sense of well being and a mild euphoria. It is a fun new legal way to take alcohol. AWOL is a hit in the global club scene due to the euphoric “high” created when alcohol is vaporized, mixed with oxygen and inhaled.

As the self-annointed resident bartender of Tabula Rasa, I have created a BM-themed drink menu. I can't believe we will be leaving for Burning Man in a few days. This whole dream of BM slowly coming to fruition. I love it when a good dream becomes a reality. Here are the cocktails:

1. BLACK ROCK COSMO = This sweet refreshing drink is a perfect mate to walk around the hallowed grounds of the Black Rock Desert. Feel the beauty of nature and life, as the sweet nectar of lime and cranberry battle it out with vodka and triple sec inside your taste buds.
2. PLAYATINI = The PLAYATINI is an honest drink. There is no sugar, no egg-whites, no fruit juice, no chocolate, no spices… It is clean, pure, and powerful. This is a drunk that you can feel inside your heart, so grab a cup and don’t be afraid of the passion it inspires.
3. MAKEOUTINI = With a dash of apple pucker and 99 apples, this is the perfect prologue to a great make-out session. So grab a random partner, and share this flavorful drink in a sweet tongue kiss embrace.
4. SEX ON THE PLAYA = Grab this lusciously devilish drink and indulge in everything carnal and passionate. Feel free to fall in love in the hypnotic balance of vodka and rum.
5. BURNING MAN 4EVER = Meeting people is easy when Burning Man 4ever is raging inside you. This drink will assure that your days or nights at the Playa will last an eternity. This high voltage drink will charge up your batteries, and let you loose like a firecracker on the Playa.
6. TABULA RASA = Cleanse your soul with this smooth, soothing, and crisp elixir. The sweet blend of tropical cocktails along with fine tequila and vodka, makes this drink the perfect solution to wiping your slate clean.
7. FULL MOON FEVER = Extracted from 100% Moon juice, this delightful splash of liquid will allow you to become even closer to our lunar goddess. It’s an ideal blend of passion and grace, with a splash of stardust. Each drink is blessed by our Tabula Rasa Mistress, and once the drink has been finished you have to howl at the moon.
8. THE BAD HATTER = Having a tough day at the Playa? Feeling a little bit down? Well grab a crazy hat, and taste this delicious concoction, as this drink is bound to change your luck. Shake off all the bad vibes and evil karma, and let all the positive instant karma in.

1. OOMPA LOOMPA – Feeling a little clusterphobic? Not quiet sure how to take in all the Burning Man experience, well take a shot of this little powder keg and say goodbye to reality, and hello to nirvana.
2. PANTY [BOXER] BURNER – This liquid viagra is a tasty and delightful shooter to recharge your sexual mojo. Condoms not included, but please make sure to use one.
3. “SUCK ME BEAUTIFUL” – Revelers of this drink have to yell “Suck Me Beautiful!” on the top of their lungs before swallowing this raging beast of a shot.
4. MASTER AND SERVANT – This two-shot drink is made for two partners, one has the Master and the other the Servant. The master gets to spank the servant, and the servant has to take a body shot on the Master. Enjoy!
5. BITTERSWEET ECSTACY – A little bit like life, this shot is a little bitter and a little sweet and so full of liquid ecstacy.
6. INSTANT KARMA – A rich and passionate drink meant to inspire creativity and self-discovery. So grab a shot, slam the shot glass down, and hug a nearby stranger.
7. RANDOM EPIPHANY – Think of a loved one, then swallow this delicately blended liquid nirvana. Your thoughts, prayers, and wishes will be answered.
8. PAY IT FORWARD – Take this sweet and tangy shot and bring back 3 more people to Tabula Rasa for drinks and merriment.

Monday, August 23, 2004


This year's Street Faire was a showcase of extremes, of everything that makes life wonderful, and of everything that makes life ugly. Brooke and Wendy came up to join me for this year's festivities, and we seemed to start off the day with lots of fun and spirit. We hopped all the little cafe's on the junction, went shopping, and goofed off as we always do. I ran into an old friend, Marnie (the original Sistah from another mutha, [circa 1997]), so that was definitely great.

As the sun slowly set on Sunset Blvd. We all settled at the 4100 Bar. And that's where we met all these interesting people. Brooke and Wendy started hanging out with these gay couples, and as the night wore down they started to play a game of Grab-Ass, apparently it was my ass that was grab-worthy.

We eventually made our way to El Cid, where we indulged in more alcholic activities. I have only gone out with Wendy once bar, and I was pretty aware that she may have alcohol issues, so I cut her off pretty early night, knowing that she was close to probably reaching her threshold. Last time I went out with her, I had to carry her a few blocks back to the car, I didn't have that kind of energy this night, so I decided to cut her off. Once that happened, the little firecracker exploded.

Sibling rivalry is very interesting. You have can have all this hatred and love boiling up to the surface at the least expected moment. Well at that particular moment of time, Wendy, this 5'3" skinny little blonde girl emerged as Mt. Vesuvius. She placed all this pain and anger on her purse and proceeded to start a fight with Brooke. All I remember were fists flying, purses swinging, and nails scratching. I was beginning to feel like the bald-headed guy in the Jerry Springer Show. Mind you that this was at 9:00PM, and El Cid was getting crowded. So I swooped in, carried both of them out on the street and take them home. Along the way there were more little fisticuffs here and there, but no serious damage.

When we got home, Wendy wanted to drive back home to SD and leave her sister here, but after convincing her that that wouldn't be the best idea, she agreed to stay at my house. After she was rested, Brooke and I went out to salvage our night by going dancing in Pasadena. I thought that when we all woke up the next day everything was going to be forgotten and forgiven. But as soon as Wendy woke up, she was determined to leave her sister here in LA and drive back to SD. So she did. Thankfully Brooke was able to coax her boyfriend to come all the way up to LA to pick her up, otherwise I would've had to drive her back to SD.

So what did I learn from all this? Sober up! (just kidding kids, Burning Man is coming up, I'll have the rest of my life to sober up).

Friday, August 20, 2004

An 8-year-old girl who suffers from a rare digestive disorder and cannot eat wheat has had her first Holy Communion declared invalid because the wafer contained no wheat, violating Roman Catholic doctrine.

Now, Haley Waldman's mother is pushing the Diocese of Trenton and the Vatican to make an exception, saying the girl's condition should not exclude her from the sacrament, which commemorates the Last Supper of Jesus Christ before his crucifixion. The mother believes a rice Communion wafer would suffice.

"It's just not a viable option. How does it corrupt the tradition of the Last Supper? It's just rice versus wheat," said Elizabeth Pelly-Waldman. Church doctrine holds that Communion wafers, like the bread served at the Last Supper, must have at least some unleavened wheat. Church leaders are reluctant to change anything about the sacrament.


You could see the focus and determination in my eyes. Now that my friends is intensity...

Thursday, August 19, 2004


As I was waiting at an intersection this morning, I reached down to grab something on the passenger side. Next thing I know, my foot slips on the brake pedal, and slowly bumps the car in front of me. It was just a slight tap no major damage. I could see through the rear window the driver was visible upset, and he was slowly taking off his seatbelt to confront me. I was expecting the worse, and I hadn't fully awakend yet, so I wasn't ready to engage some caffeinated freak in the middle of a busy intersection.

As he slowly approached me, he had this really angry and condescending way about him, it's as if he was ready to throw down. So as I got out of my car, he slowly changed his body language. Next thing I know, he was smiling at me. He peeked over on his rear bumper and admitted that there was no damage, and everything was cool. We didn't even exchange information or anything, he just shook my hand, smiled, coyly again, got on his car and left. And I stood there for a couple minutes as all the other cars passed me by honking at me wondering. What the hell happened there? It's as if there was some sort of divine intervention that interceded.

Brooke and her sister are coming up from SD to indulge in some LA excess. Oh snap! we had such a blast for Brooke's bday party a couple of weeks ago. Dude whenever I am with these girls, I know I'm in for some no holds barred spanking good time. There is something about them that bring out the worse and best in me. Brooke and I have definitely become more like brother and sister since we came back from Mardi Gras. I think we'll be eternally connected from our experience in New Orleans. I still remember when we were driving out of Louisiana, and I was passed out in the backseat of the car, I quickly woke up from a bump in the road, and she turned around, and we both just smiled at each other as if to say "Man, that was such an incredible adventure, I'm glad that I was able to share this with you..." I'll never forget that. If I survive this weekend, I will be able to survive Burning Man. Seriously, these girls will terrorize L.A. men like a warm knife carving through butter, I've seen it. L.A. you've been forewarned.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004


So our theme camp for Burning Man is called Tabula Rasa ("Clean Slate"). I just thought how appropriate that theme is for me. I've already figured out my little portion of the playa. I am creating a Tiki Lounge. I bought 4 Tiki Torches that will go on the corners of my camp site, then I got this fake grass rug that I'm going to roll out inside it. In the middle I will have a portable hammock with a big giant leaf providing shade underneath. Then at night, I purchase 500 tea lights from IKEA which I will use to create patterns and designs around my site.

It's going to be my little piece of heaven from the madness and debauchery surrounding me. Armed with my trusted iPod and a couple notebooks, I think I will be able to create something magical and spiritual. The first few days in Burning Man will feature a Full Moon, and I can't wait to walk around the barren desert howling at the moon.

I think the experience of Burning Man will be more fruitful for me if I experience by myself, that's why I'm kinda glad that none of my close or immediate friends will be attending this year. It will truly allow me to experience this event for myself, and I know that sounds a little greedy, but sometimes I hate sharing my adventures with people. I just like to explore things and places and let the chips fall as they may.

Someone made a search on Yahoo for "memories of young girls masturbate in toilet" and queried my blog. My blog was 13th, sandwhiched between two Christian links about sexual abuse. I think I'm getting sick in my stomach.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: All At Sea (Jamie Cullum), New Slang (The Shins), Song For the Dumped (Ben Folds Five), Why You'd Want to Live Here (Death Cab For Cutie), American Dream (Jakatta), and el (Bugge Wesseltoft).

Tuesday, August 17, 2004


For some reason I was suckered into seeing AVP (Aliens Vs. Predator) over the weekend. I was expecting the biggest pile of donkeyshit, and it was worse than my low expectations. Throughout the whole movie, I found myself think of other VS. movies that I would like to see. I mean we've seen Freddy vs. Jason so what's next? Here are my ideas:
1. ANAKIN SKYWALKER VS. DARTH VADER - I'd like to see Hayden Christiansen get his balls chopped off.
2. FAT ALBERT VS. JIMMIE WALKER - My money is on the fat man.
3. KIT (KNIGHT RIDER) VS. GENERAL LEE (DUKES OF HAZARD) - The race for the millenia.
4. THE BRADY BUNCH VS. THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY - I'd like to see Marsha in a jello match against Laurie.
5. NEO VS. BLADE - Winner gets to keep the loser's wardrobe.
6. INDIANA JONES VS. LARA CROFT - Hmmm, this could be a tough one, but my money has to be with the girl with the gun.
7. E.T. VS. ALIEN - The catch phrase could be "Phone home, biatch!"
8. KURT COBAIN VS. JIMI HENDRIX VS. JIM MORRISSON - This lethal 3-way match could decide the future of Rock 'N Roll and drug addiction.

For all of those that don't know yet, Jennifer Garner (Yes! the Alias star) and I are getting married. She doesn't know it yet, but I've gone ahead and created a bridal registry with Williams-Sonoma. So feel free to buy us something for our beautiful house, we really like the Emile Henry Auberge ceramic pan set.

Monday, August 16, 2004


Less than two weeks away before Burning Man, I am chomping at the bits. It's kinda funny how people have been reacting when I tell them that I will be going to Burning Man. I think most people expect me to lose myself in the sex, drugs, and alcohol. But to simply quantify how my experience will be by those three things is absurd. I know I'm going to be a different person when I return from BM. I am not afraid to change, that is why I am so adventurous. I think most people are afraid to change, because they fear what they might become. I love the fact that I am different every year that I exist, it allows me to live a different way at a certain point in my life. After reading my past entries to my blog, it is amazing to document this minute changes in me physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

It was another interesting weekend. Met some interesting people, we'll see where this one lands...


Meet Logan Tom of the U.S. Olympic Indoor Volleyball Team. Ouch!!

Sorry to do this to all my male readers, but here is something really disturbing. Meet Micky Yanai, the inventor of the "Helicopter Fuck." He has has hair on his head, but he has no hair on his penis or nutsack, because he pulled out the hair around his penis by tweezer. In Japan, the only people who do not have hair on their business are cancer patients and him.

Here is your moment of zen.

Friday, August 13, 2004


Madden 2005 was released this week. Every red-blooded male will be glued to their TV sets and video game systems playing this game. But before you start bringing your case of beer and chips to my house to play Madden on my 65" HDTV Widescreen Television Set here are some rules:

This should be the most important rule in video game football. Unless your Mike Martz or you're inside the 30, no one should be allowed to go for it on 4th down, it's just courtesy.

You are not allowed to PAUSE the game for any reason. If you do PAUSE the game, a timeout will be assessed to your team. I don't care if Santa Claus and the Hooters girls are waiting outside the front door, do not PAUSE the game.

Although I was the one who invented it, it became abudantly clear that this is an unfair tactic. The snow job refers to wearing an all white uniform and playing in a snowy conditions. My players were literally invisible and I was able to hide my safeties and pick off any deep passes as I want.

Keith won our Madden Tournamen in 2000 by using this tactic, this is unethical. Basically you're not allowed to sit on a lead, and drain the clock and run the ball relentlessly. This tactic is unethical because we play with 7 minute quarters, if we played with the standard 15 minute quarters then this tactic is OK, but no one wants to wait 2 hours to finish one stupid game.

You are not allowed to put Randy Moss as a fullback so he can take advantage of his 99 speed against a sorry ass linebacker, or make any other positional switches.

Thursday, August 12, 2004



I really loved this movie. There was something about this movie that really made a connection with me. First of all the music was phenomenal. It's hard enough to find the right kind of music to accompany a movie, but Zach's selections seems to be straight out of my iPod. From Coldplay, Nick Drake, Zero 7, and The Shins, he picked the perfect song to complement and enhance each particular scene. That was magical.

There were two scenes that really I was able to completely relate to. The first was one when Largeman (Zach Braff) gets invited to his friends party in the basement, and everyone smoking out and taking X, and we experience his transition while he's on it. I think I've experience that frenzy and mania that was transpiring. The whole scene seemed eerily too familiar for me.

The other scene was in the end of the movie where Sam (Natalie Portman) and Largeman were saying goodbye to each other in the airport. That scene struck me hard, it reminded me of having to say goodbye to Alex when she returned to Germany. I just wished our ending turned up a little bit better. But I remember after she left, I ran throughout the parking lot in LAX looking for my car, and I couldn't feel my legs. I just kept running. Tears were fighting to break out, but I was holding strong, because I knew if I didn't I probably would've collapsed. It was a hot afternoon that day, but my flesh was cold, numb, and rigid.

I can be such a sucker for romantic comedies, but this was a little bit different. A lot of the subject matter really hit home with me throughout the movie. Brilliant acting by Natalie Portman and Zach Braff had me glued and laughing throughout the whole entire movie. I understood the numbness that Largeman spoke about, I was numb once, and I'm probably still a little numb now. It's not too often that a movie can move me, with both music, cinematography, screenplay, performance, and subject matter, but this one shook me a little bit. I think this was a good movie for me to experience right before going to Burning Man.

Durex is the official supplier of condoms and lubricants for the 2004 Athens Olympics. They are supplying 130,000 condoms and 30,000 tubes of lubricants for 10,000 atheletes participating in the Olympics. That's an average of about 13 condoms per competitor. Apparently the Athelete's Village is one big fat orgy.

"There's a lot of sex going on," javelin thrower Breaux Greer told Men's Journal. "You get a lot of people who are in shape and, you know, testosterone's up and everybody's attracted to everybody."

Here are some interesting nuggets. Swimmers do it longer. The French do it the most. The Cubans used up their rations faster than any nation. In the 2000 Sydney Olympics the condoms handed out were gold, silver, and bronze.

Which makes me think, hmmm, they should make poker into an Olympic Sport, then I'll get citizenship to some random country like Guam, and then I get to stay at the Olympic Village, and there I can shag with some bona fide Olympians. They better hide the gymastics team away from me.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Sandy had been wanting to speak to me for the past few months, but we've for whatever reason we haven't been able to really talk. Since we met a few months ago, she's been convinced that we have this sublime connection, and she has this intense fire that grows within her. So last night we talked for a good 3 hours, explaining her dilemma to me. And it seemed like throughout the whole conversation that she was waiting for an answer to her questions that I wasn't willing to give to her. She was so sure that I had the wisdom and depth to absolve all her pain and troubles. But it was a little awkward. She opened up some skeletons in her closet, and for some reason I became open to accepting that burden. We had met each other only 3 times, and this was the first time we had spoken on the phone. I was OK with it at first, being a little bit more curious about her story will progress, but as she went on it became a slow vicious and vindictive circle. I had already invested all this time in being there for her, and now I was slowly being part of the problem, rather than a solution.

For most of my life, people, for whatever reason, seem to find some sort of solace and comfort in revealing their most innermost thoughts and secrets. I don't know what it is, people tend to give me instant credibility that others would take years or months to earn it. I was that guy in high school and college that everyone wanted to talk out their problems, that's why I became an R.A. I didn't really mind having that responsibility, but it's something that I didn't really ask for. I hate giving advice to people, and sometimes I get tired listening to other people's problems because I have my own problems and issues to worry about. And usually when I have serious problems I feel awkward discussing it with my friends because I don't want to burden them with my issues. So I tend to work out my problems internally and personally.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004


This is about as absurd of a story I've read in a long time. But knowing my countrymen I wouldn't put it beneath us. When you mix alcohol, a wedding, and cultural confusion, you can bet that cannibalism isn't too far away.

Monday, August 09, 2004


So what was up with that? I came down to say hello, and you didn't even offer up a fight to me. Sure I locked my keys in my car, and paid $75 to a fat locksmith to open it up. And it took me 5 hours to reach your golden shores, as I witnessed 3 fender benders along the way, but you could've made me sweat it out a bit. When I was cussing you out, because I couldn't find a restroom, you could've easily wiped that smile off my face but you knew that I couldn't stay mad at you all along. Still, San Diego you could've played harder to get. You didn't have to buy me all that alcohol. You didn't have to take me to the "W" and point out all the girls wearing mini-skirts hanging out at the second floor, just so I could peek underneath their dress. You didn't have to dance with me really close, and grind on me like a stripper's post. You didn't have to leave me in the company of 6 women buying me drinks all night. And you didn't have to kiss me like that, it was totally uncalled for. I didn't know whether to feel like the most envied guy in the city or the unluckiest gay guy in the Gaslamp District. But oh San Diego, how you teased me. You are too easy, that's why it'll never work between us. But I'd like to come down more often, dine in your tables, swim at your shores, drink in your bars, and dance with your women, but next time, please let me earn it.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Photobooth (Death Cab For Cutie), Living Room (Tegan And Sara), Pretty Face (Longwave), Bedshaped (Keane), Papa Jack (Morrissey), Loaded (Primal Scream), In The Walls (Stellastar*), and Time Is Running Out (Muse).

Tuesday, August 03, 2004


Music plays a big part in my life. I have always felt that music is the most powerful of all the arts. It has a way of seizing your spirit and emotions, and just tugs at your soul. It's so unfortunate that I have never really had an opportunity to learn to play a legitimate musical instrument (the kazoo and the bongos don't count). So I have decided to take guitar lessons when I get back from Burning Man. The acoustic guitar is a very intimate instrument. It can create such delicate music with only a few strums of the strings.

Every year that I am in this beautiful world, I always try to experience and learn new things. Meet new people, add skills to my arsenal. I don't ever want to be that guy that feels like I've done and learned everything that I can. Life is too vast and valuable for that.

I am very wary of mortality. I have accepted that death is always lurking around the corner; but because of that acceptance and realization I really don't fear it. I have very few regrets in my life, and I try very had to live every day as if it was my last. I don't take anything for granted. I try not be labeled or pigeonholed into a category. I am not just a writer, poet, or a teacher. I am all, and I am neither.