HOTEL

HOTEL

Moby's "Hotel" is the most relevant album of 2005 so far. Moby has quietly perfected the art of ambient rock. Rollicking with sweeping strings, twinkling keyboards, noir rhythms, and bookended by the awestruck backup vocals of Laura Dawn. This double CD is candy to your ears.

EXCERPT FROM HOTEL
This essay explains how I'm feeling right now....

"Why Hotel? A variety of reasons, but here's one of them... Hotels fascinate me in that they're incredibly intimate spaces that are scoured every 24 hours and made to look completely anonymous. People sleep in hotel rooms and bathe in hotel rooms and have sex in hotel rooms and start relationships in hotel rooms and end relationships in hotel rooms and etc. and etc, but yet every time we check into a hotel room we feel as if we're the first guest and we get very upset if there's any remnant of a previous guests stay. Something about this idea, that these intimate spaces are wiped clean every 24 hours, fascinates me. That we enter a hotel room and it becomes our biological home for a while and then we leave. In some ways it's similar to the human condition.

We exist and we strive and we love and we cry and we laugh and we run around and we sleep and we build things and we have sex and then we die and, not to sound too depressing, the world is wiped clean of our biological presence, which, from my perspective, makes our brief biological time here all the more precious due to it's relative brevity. Hotels, in specific, fascinate me in that so much effort is expended to maintain a perfect neutratlity. I want to represent the part of the human condition that compels us to lead big and expansive and messy biological lives. I'm fascinated by the airless and lifeless neutrality of so many man-made spaces (empty airports, empty lobbies, empty office buildings, etc.)."

- Moby

LET'S TALK ABOUT SOBRIETY

LET'S TALK ABOUT SOBRIETY
I survived another weekend without a drop of alcohol. I've realized that since I begun my bout of sobriety, that's all I seem to talk about. When I go out to bars and parties it's the first thing I bring up, and it's all that I can talk about. Even on my blog, I can't seem to boast about my sobriety. People aren't that interesting either, most of them are pretty self-centered and annoying. I wonder how our society would be without alcohol. People probably wouldn't even talk to each other. It looks like I'll be back on the wagon this weekend.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Beauty Never Fades (Junkie XL), Porch (Pearl Jam), Walk On (U2), Blumenthal (Ulrich Schnauss), Say Something (James), Still Fighting It (Ben Folds Five), Here's To The Night (Eve 6), and Not Ready Yet (Eels).

WHAT THE BLEEP DO WE KNOW!?

WHAT THE BLEEP DO WE (K)NOW!?

This amazing documentary/movie is pretty hard to explain. At the surface it is simply about quantum physics, but it ties in together philosophy, psychology, and religion. The movie takes you into a whirlwind scientific throughts about how we as an individual relate to the world. It tries to answer fundamental questions that humans have been asking since the dawn of our existence. Why are we here? What is real? What am I? Who is God? There are definitely a lot of things to digest in this movie. Trying to explain this movie is very difficult, but I highly recommend everyone to check this movie out, and create their own thoughts about it. Here are a few selected quotes that I picked up from the movie;

- "I'm taking this time to create my day, and I'm infecting the Quantum Field. Now, if it is in fact, the observer's watching me the whole time that I'm doing this, and there is a spiritual aspect to myself. Then, show me a sign today, that you paid attention to any one of these things that I created, and bring them in a way that I won't expect." - Dr. Joe Dispenza

- "So how hard is it to let go of doubt when you see that you can do the impossible? If you had audience with a quantum physicist who told you about the many-worlds concept, and that you are the Observer, and you are only limited by what you know and what you are inspired to focus upon to have those experiences of time-shifting and timelines, and that you are creating reality, imagine it gets even more glorious. You speak to a geneticist who will say your DNA is prepared to keep you at thirty years old or twenty years old, or whatever age you wish, for two hundred years and beyond. It is already. So you can't deny this. It is science. So if we only put that you are the Observer, quantum physics, and you are immortal, potentially, and we put those together, we are looking at a pretty divine being. Being an individual and why you are going to find this unforgettable for the rest of your life is because you can say this is one place that you met and saw individual acts of greatness. And I say, in short, that the best is yet to come." - Ramtha

Although this movie straddles the line between science and religion, it provides a positive and optimistic look at how we control our experiences in a world already pre-destined for us.

MERCEDES-BENZ MIXED TAPE 06

MERCEDES-BENZ MIXED TAPE 06
The latest Mercedes-Benz Mixed Tape version 6 is finally out, 15 MP3's from emerging artists throughout the world. Check out Kevin K.'s "Dreamin'", Wolfgang Miot's "Sous les Tropiques", and Tatum Gold's "Sunshine". I don't have a Mercedes-Benz, but who cares when you got great music like this.

IT MUST BE THE STREET CRED

IT MUST BE THE STREET CRED
"On Scott Peterson's first day on death row, two women called California's San Quentin State Prison to say they were interested in marrying him, according to prison officials.

Prison spokesman Vernell Crittendon said about three dozen women called San Quentin with messages of support for the prison's newest bachelor, convicted and sentenced to die for the murder of his pregnant wife, Laci.

"Two of them actually indicated to our staff that their purpose for calling was marriage," Crittendon told CNN."

Are women out there nuts??? Three dozen women calling San Quentin on his first day in death row. It must be the street cred. Chicks like dicks who have street cred.

AALIYAH AND JET LI MAY HAVE SOMETHING
I was watching this documentary on FSTV (Free Speech TV) the other night, and it basically revolved around the fact that Black Women and Asian Men are considered to be the least desireable by the opposite sex. The latest census reveals that there are more single black women and single asian men than in any other category, and both groups suffer from unsubstantiated stereotypes. Black women suffer from the perception that they are not as feminine as white or asian women; and asian men are not as masculine as black or white men. Images of a strong black woman are one of the prevalent archetypes that the media often likes to portray. While the few times an asian male is shown by the media, they are portrayed as an non-sexual being.

Both black women and asian males tend to suffer a backlash from their counterparts. There is a prevalent notion within each culture that their counterparts are trying to date white partners to move up the social ladder. I know in the Asian American community there is a prevailing idea that if an Asian woman marries a white male that they are elevating their social status. And its not uncommon for black women to feel threatened whenever they see a black male dating someone outside their race.

The documentary was really insightful in revealing the various tensions between males and females of each culture. At the end of the documentary, they created a dating service to match single black women and single asian males, and they were surprised at how successful that turned out. So perhaps the producers of Romeo Must Die, may have started something here. It is possible for Aaliyah and Jet Li to be romantically involved in the movie.

A GREEN DAY

A GREEN DAY
Happy St. Patty's Day to everyone!!! Isn't there a more pathetic way to celebrate St. Patty's Day than being sober? No green beer for me. No Guinness. It's depressing. I've had to refuse countless invitations for St. Patty's Day celebrations. Instead I'll be playing softball tonight, and drowning my sorrows with alcohol-free delights. There are so many temptations right now, but I'm proud of myself, my will is strong. I still feel fairly determined.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Avalon (Sigur Ros), What's Come Over Me (Frente!), God Gave Me Style (50 Cent), Red Dust (Zero 7), Feel And Triple (Stereolab), Another Morning Stoner (...Trail of Dead), and North Atlantic Drift (Ocean Colour Scene).

SOBER IS THE NEW DRUNK

SOBER IS THE NEW DRUNK
Sobriety isn't much fun at all, but I'm not quiet sure that it's supposed to be fun. It's quiet funny how I have reacquaint myself with the world. A wake up early on Saturday and Sunday mornings, and the hangover haze is gone. It's amazing how much stuff you can do when you're lucid and alert. I've also realized that I don't have much patience for strangers when I'm sober. I feel a little wound up at times. I also feel the redundancy of life's cycle. I've picked up drinking coffee. I've started my guitar lessons. And my addiction for music is starting to rear its ugly head again. Which leads me to...

AND YOU WILL KNOW US BY THE TRAIL OF DEAD

Fuck! Shit! Damn! This is what rock music is supposed to be. I picked up the ...Trail Of Dead's latest album "Worlds Apart", and they just blew my mind away. If you've never heard of ...Trail Of Dead, don't get swept up in fear by their band name (even though one may conjure up stereotypes like if they were some German Death Metal Band), but these Texan lads play an intelligent and insightful blend of Punk, Heavy Rock, and Indie music that is just pure bliss. World's Apart features amazing songs like "Will You Smile Again". "Worlds Apart", "Caterwaul", and "To Russia My Homeland". I was so impressed after picking up their album, that I went to Amoeba Records the next day, and bought out their whole entire catalog. Fucking shit!!! Isn't there a better feeling than finding great music that moves you? It's like sex. Like butter. Like margerine.

STUPID JOKE OF THE DAY: Why was Piglet looking in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh.

OFFICE POLITIKS

OFFICE POLITIKS
It's so weird being the youngest person in the office, and being in management. It hasn't really bothered me, but I know not everyone in the office is comfortable being a subordinate to a younger person. I work hard in keeping my professional and personal life very separate, I'm even suprised that no one at my office has discovered my blog; it's like the first time that comes up if they ever tried to google my name. I think most of them would be very surprised about my activities during weekends.

I had to speak in front of 100 high volume real estate agents today. These were the areas power brokers. The parking lot was littered with Jags, BMWs, Mercedes Benzs, Hummers, Land Rovers, and Porsches, and there sandwhiched between over $10 million dollars of metal was my dusty silver Honda CRV (Smoochie). The valet definitely knew which one didn't belong in this parking lot. I had such an adrenaline rush when I was on stage, it was really intense. Ever since high school I've always thrived in speaking in front of a large group, but it hasn't been until the past two years that I've been able to really take advantage of that skill. I was in a zone today, I had everyone in eating from the palm of my hands. At the end of the meeting, they all saw me walk up to my dusy CRV, and I heard a few guys make sly remarks about my vehicle. But it didn't really bother me, all the money in the world couldn't buy the adrenaline and emotions that I felt that moment.

PERHAPS OTIS REDDING IS TRYING TO TELL US SOMETHING
Brooke has been waiting for a while to read about what happened to us last week, so here is my account of this bizarre twilight zone moment. So last week, I took Brooke to The Chalet in Eagle Rock for her birthday; it was supposed to be a nice and quiet night for the two of us to just catch up with things. So she tells me that she just recently broke up with her boyfriend, and hasn't stopped thinking about a boy that she's been smitten with at work.

So as we're sitting around the fireplace, enjoying our drinks, she tells me there were three songs that she hasn't been able to get out of her head from a mixed CD that she made for him. Two of the songs were "Try Me" by James Brown and "These Arms Are Mine". Then as if on cue, the jukebox (which no one has touched and is on random), suddenly, if unexplicably, plays "These Arms Are Mine". Brooke freaks out, and she's convinced that this is a sign. I, on the otherhand, was a little bit more pragmatic about it; it's just a random coincidence. Brooke is hesitant to agree with me, but there are a lot of things out there that can be considered a coincidence. I was convinced that this was one of them.

As the song trails to an end, and Otis Redding voice slowly disappearing into the walls, the jukebox randomly selects the next track. And guess what? It was "Try me" by James Brown. Brooke's face explodes with awe and panic, and I begin to shake my head. I looked around to make sure no one was playing tricks with us, and I was pretty sure no one came near the jukebox, there weren't that many people in the bar. Brooke is now more convinced that this was some divine intervention or sign from the heavens.

Although I wasn't ready to proclaim this as a miracle, it was definitely bizarre. The pragmatist in me, doesn't allow me to believe in this sort of blind faith, and yet the hopeless romantic in me, requires me to have faith in this sort of pre-destined romance.

This has become a philosophical paradigm to me, free-will vs. destiny. Has everything around me been already determined? Has my true love been already chosen for me and accounted for? Or do I believe in chaos of life, randomness, coincidence, choice, and free-will? If I believe in free will, how can I reconcile that with my beliefs in love, God, and life in general. Free will imposes that God is finite, and life is an infinite smorgasbord of random and coincidental events, anchored by cause and effects. If I believe in destiny, then truth exists, everything has a meaning. You can have faith, because God is infinite, and everything has already been determined, we just don't know it or don't want to admit it. You can rest assure that what may seem to be a choice, isn't really a choice, it's already been chosen for you. It's a complex philosophical paradigm, that philosophers and thinkers have struggled with since the dawn of human evolution.

So what does this all mean? How did this eternal philosophical question blossom from this event. Brooke is still convinced that there is meaning and value to this process. I on the other haven't staked my claim yet. What do you guys think? Have I completely lost every one? I swear to God I haven't been using any drugs, but if you have read this far, you're probably on something. See what happens when you choose sobriety...

SOBERING UP!

RYANJESENA.COM
I finally purchased my domain name. Starting today my blog can now be accessed by going to www.ryanjesena.com. Yey!!!

SOBERING UP!
It's funny how when I tell my friends that I plan to be sober for the next few weeks, their first reaction is as if something bad happened. "Did you get a DUI?" "Did you get into a bar fight?" "Did you have sex with a transvestite?" "Did you expose yourself to a peace officer?" "Did you pass out in your neighbor's yard?" "Did you find God in the urinal?" "Did you meet some skanky whore?"

I assure you that none of these things happened. I'm sobering up for a month to prove something to myself, recharge my batteries. I've done some serious partying over the past year, and I think it's time to cleanse my body of all these toxins.

SOBRIETY CHECKLIST
So you think you want to sober up as well? Here is a checklist things to buy to assure that you succeed in your quest for sobriety:

- Start a Netflix subscription.
- 1 Bottle of Aspirin.
- 10 Cans of Tomato Juice
- 10 Cans of Light Tuna on water
- 3 boxes of cereal
- 3 gallons of non-fat milk
- 1 gallon of Cranberry juice
- 1 basket of fruits: peaches, oranges, melons, and apples.
- 7 miscellaneous porn magazines
- 1 bottle of lotion
- 3 plastic buckets: 1 for urine, 1 for feces, and 1 for vomit.
- 1 King James Edition of the Holy Bible.
- 1 copy of The Iliad and The Oddyssey.
- 1 Video game system, fully stocked with race car or sports games, games that can be replayable infinitely.
- 1 Computer with internet connection
- 4 cotton towels.
- 10 gallons of water.

Lock yourself in your room, seal up your windows. And 28 days later you will be sober!!...

28 DAYS

28 DAYS
From March 6th to April 2nd, I have sworn myself to 28 days of sobriety. It's something that I've been meaning to do for the past few months, not that I don't think my drinking has gone over the edge. I just wanted to take back some control over my life. I also want to give my body a chance to detoxify, and remove all these chemicals in my body. So I will have a sober St. Patty's Day, and I will have sober weekends. I've been relying on drunkenness to have way too much fun over the past year, and I could see the monster that it was creating inside me. But I've set up some wonderful activities for me:

- I'm finally getting guitar lessons.
- I'm determined to run 3 miles in 23 minutes.
- I need to pick up my swimming.
- Do some camping and weekend hikes.
- and of course there is softball, football, and basketball...

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: No Right Angles (Ben Lee), Gray Stables (Iron And Wine), Sheila Take A Bow (The Smiths), Where Are You Now? (Brandy), Sola Sistim (Underworld), Organ Donor (DJ Shadow), Asleep On A Sunbeam (Belle & Sebastian), and Somersault (Zero 7).

SPUNDAE RELOADED

SPUNDAE RELOADED
On Saturday, I joined Sophia and her friends for the grand re-opening of Spundae. Gabriel and Dresden, and Christopher Lawrence helped christen the new playground. Sophia and I had been disenchanted by Spundae for the past 3 years, we remember its glory days in the late 90s and during the beginning of the millennium. The past few years Spundae developed into an arrogant, selfish, and creepy haven for L.A.'s disillusioned populace, so I was skeptical that any of the magic and glory of Spundae will ever be captured again.

If first impression is everything, Spundae failed on every level. They advertised G&D playing their set beginning at 9:00PM, a little early even Spundae standards to open up a big act. I got there around 9:00PM, and the lines were frustratingly long. I was on the guest-list, so I thought I was in like flint, only to walk towards the guest-list line and see that it was a mile long as well. And the people working the guest-list line didn't seem too concerned about doing their jobs quickly and efficiently. It took me almost an hour and a half to get in, and I was on the guest-list. I felt sorry for the people that were in general admission. To make matters worse, when I finally walked in, the place was only 50% full, they could have let most of the people waiting in line. That was a terrible first impression.

Returning to Spundae means meeting some old friends, the security staff of Spundae is probably the friendliest and fairest in LA. I always feel at home, they have a warm genuine smile, and are not afraid to be friendly and welcoming to everyone. And the regular cast of security guards were there, all with their own distinct personalities. It was nice to see them again.

I walked around a little bit in Spundae, and the first thing that I noticed was that there had been a lot of money invested in the place. There were beds inside, and lounge cots outside. The side rooms were well decorated, and the upstairs was definitely upgraded. The ambiance was warm and inspired, so they earned a few brownie points for that. The DJ booth in the main room had been changed as well, they added six LCD screen around the booth that provided visuals and a bird's eye view of the DJ was a great addition. So despite the bad first impression, Sophia and I kinda looked at each other in wonderment, and dared to say to each other, "Is Spundae back?"

As the night grew, and reared its maniacal little head on the dance floor. It became obvious that Spundae wasn't back, and I don't know if Spundae will ever be what it was. And it is so hard to explain that magical scene to people who weren't part of it. Clearly, the Spundae promoters understood that they had to bring some of that magic back, so they invited the burning man community, but on the other hand, the creepy drug-induced trolls that destroyed Spundae were also back. So there was this awkward dynamic of different kinds of people, but it didn't evolve into any inspiring or creative interactions, instead it just kinda segregated the dance floor.

Spundae has always been about the music, but I also feel like its about the community as well. In its prime, Spundae succeeded because people interacted with each other, there were no boundaries, there were no pre-conceived notions. Everyone shared, and everyone was warm and friendly. It wasn't uncommon for me to randomly sit down on a bench and get engaged in a conversation about philosophy, history, film theory, pop culture, existentialism, and the wonderments of Okra with interesting and passionate people. I felt infinitely connected to everyone whether it was on the dance floor or on the benches outside. Spundae was missing that, and I'm not quiet sure it'll ever get that back. Even the burners that were there, were really uninspired and boring.

I paced around for a long time trying to find some old friends, but they weren't there, they had moved on. I had begun to question why I was still there. Why do I keep coming back to a place, hoping for an experience to occur, knowing perfectly well that it's not going to be there. My memories of the old Spundae remain so vivid and strong, that it sometimes overwhelms me whenever I visit the place. But on Saturday night, I didn't have that emotional connection. Back in the day, I would grab napkins and steal pens from the bartenders and write pages and pages of poems, prose, and stories, and people would share in that creative process. There was none of that, and I haven't written anything in Spundae for years. I just kinda did my thing, and experienced Spundae for what it has become. It left me soul-less, uninspired, listless, distracted, detached, disenfranchised, and disillusioned.

I was disappointed by the whole experience, but only because I was expecting something that perhaps will never be recreated. At its prime, Spundae was something special and magical, and every single person who was part of it knew it. We all shared a common experience with each other. Perhaps some of us eventually grew up, and moved on with our lives, and others may have outgrown the scene, and there are still a few of us out there dreaming and wishing to relive those glory days. I am beginning to feel like my time has come to hang my Spundae dancing shoes at the great Elephant graveyard in the sky. It is time for the next generation of Spundaesters to create their own magic, community, and scene. Spundae will move on, it will succeed, it will evolve. And as for me, I will have my memories of a timeless place. Once in a while I will meet someone who has experienced Spundae, and we just kinda smile at each other, acknowledging a secret that no one will ever know, and no words have to be exchanged, it's such a beautiful thing.

XARA DULZURA

XARA DULZURA
I sent off my registration of Xara Dulzura yesterday. I really don't know what to expect, and I'm not really willing to put any expectations on it. It'll be a good opportunity for me to reconnect with my Burning Man family, and get my soul filled up again with delicious inspiration. I am perfectly willing to try anything once in my life, and here is another opportunity to try something so out of the ordinary that it may just be brilliant.

SOBRIETY IS FOR LOSERS!
D. invited me to meet up at The Rumor Mill for her friend's open mike night. We actually had never met, but we've been haunting each other through IM for weeks. So while I was waiting for her, I brough out my old (still dusty) Burning Man notebook. It gave me an opportunity to reminisce about all the fantastic and wonderful moments from that summer. It's amazing how my notebook infuses more vivid memories and flashbacks than actual photographs. I don't get the same emotional connection with photographs as I do with what I've written and drawn on my notebook. It was great to have that pleasant moment for myself, I doubt anyone in that coffeehouse knew what I was smiling about. Or perhaps it was because I had a bottle of Heineken at the parking lot before I went in. Sobriety is for losers!!

I came in to the open house wanting to share some poems, but when I got there I really wasn't feeling it, but when D. finally arrived she introduced me to Zach, who was running the whole open mike, and he ended up reading a couple of poems from my book. I thought that was really cool.

Then when I got home, I had two wedding invitations waiting for me. Everyone is fucking getting married, what's going on here?? Weddings are for losers!!

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Play For Today (The Cure), Blackhorse and The Cherry Tree (KT Tunstall), Lucky Man (The Verve), Undertaker Strut (Ed Harcourt), Two Way Monologue (Sondre Lerche), We Rule The School (Belle & Sebastian), Light (Ben Lee), Hate It Or Love It (The Game), and Breakin' (The Music).