MY 2004 MLB ALL-STAR BALLOT
AL/NL- 1B-Mark Teixeira (TEX) / Lyle Overbay (MIL)
2B - Bret Boone (SEA) / Jeff Kent (HOU)
3B - Alex Rodriguez (NYY) / Scott Rolen (STL)
SS - Derek Jeter (NYY) / Cezar Izturis (LA)
OF - Vladimir Guerrero (ANA) / Ken Griffery Jr. (CIN)
OF - Manny Ramirez (BOS) / Scot Podsednik (MIL)
OF - Carl Crawford (TB) / Sammy Sosa (CHC)

MEN ARE FROM MARS, AND WOMEN ARE FROM URANUS
Why is it that some women only have sex with guys buy they don't make it out with them because it is too intimate for them? While there are those that will make out with a guy but not have sex with them just because? Sometimes sexual relations between men and women get so convulated and so complex it makes me think, is anyone out there really having that much sex? The media portrays my generation as sex-crazed addicts, and yet the majority of my friends are not intimately active, either by choice or by coincidence.

INDEPENDENCE DAY
I don't know if I should be going down to San Diego to see Brooke. We've been planning for the past month for me to come down and hang out with her, but since she's found her latest boy toy, I think I'd feel a little awkward being the third wheel all weekend. I also have a ton of writing to hammer out. I know I am not going to get anything done if I go down and see her. On the other hand I haven't seen Dove in months, and being surrounded by ex-strippers can be a lot of fun. We'll see, I need to consult my oracle.

THERE ARE NO TIES IN BASEBALL
Yesterday's game was heart wrenching. We played Haulz Baulz, and we were pretty confident coming into the game. We looked dominant as a team together. I felt so loose and confident I started flirting with the other team's players. The game started, and at first we continued our dominance, and came out to a 15-8 lead with one inning left to go. Instead of bringing out our closer, Steve, we let Craig finish the game out. Haulz Baulz just outplayed and outhustled us, and tied the game at 15. We were the home team so we had our last chance up, which we squandered; and the game ended up in a tie. We didn't take advantage of some opportunities late in the game and that killed us, we got too comfortable with the lead. As for me I did my job, I hit for the cycle (4-4), 3 runs scored, 5 RBI's. I'm batting a sickly .800 right now. And it felt like a lost.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Muzzle of Bees (Wilco), 1963 (Rachael Yamagata), Windowlicker (Aphex Twin), 24 (Jem), Flashdance (Deep Dish), You Come Through (PJ Harvey), Despertar (Federico Aubele), Overlap (Chicane), and Hide U (Kosheen).

TO THE BRITA BANDIT
I'm going to catch you. This is the sixth time this past week, that my Brita pitcher has been left empty without a drop of water. Look, I don't mind you taking some water from me, but for god's sake please fill it up with water. The refrigerator is right next to the sink, how hard is it to turn you waist, turn on the faucet, and add some more of that precious water on the pitcher. One of these days, you will make a mistake, and I will catch you. You're going down Brita Bandit.

ADAPTATION
I have continued to write, uninspired, throughout the weekend, then a friend suggested that I should watch Adaptation. That movie is sheer lunacy. I could definitely relate to the confusion, desperation, and madness that Charles Kaufman was feeling as he was writing this movie. The writing process is a solitary endeavor, but it can't sustain itself by isolation and solitude. It needs tragedy, drama, epiphanies, and life. A writer needs to breathe inspiration from other people. He needs to understand the heart and soul of humanity. The writer has to balance the self with his environment, and it is a constant struggle to do so. A writer has to confront himself, and amidst that battle must become the martyr.

QUOTES FROM ADAPTATION:
"You are what you love, not what loves you." - Donald Kaufman

"I don't want to cram in sex or guns or car chases or characters learning profound life lessons or growing or coming to like each other or overcome obstacles to succeed in the end. The book isn't like that, and life isn't like that, it just isn't." - Charles Kaufman

John Laroche: You know why I like plants?
Susan Orlean: Nuh uh.
John Laroche: Because they're so mutable. Adaptation is a profound process. Means you figure out how to thrive in the world.
Susan Orlean: [pause] Yeah but it's easier for plants. I mean they have no memory. They just move on to whatever's next. With a person though, adapting is almost shameful. It's like running away.

"Point is, what's so wonderful is that every one of these flowers has a specific relationship with the insect that pollinates it. There's a certain orchid look exactly like a certain insect so the insect is drawn to this flower, its double, its soul mate, and wants nothing more than to make love to it. And after the insect flies off, spots another soul-mate flower and makes love to it, thus pollinating it. And neither the flower nor the insect will ever understand the significance of their lovemaking. I mean, how could they know that because of their little dance the world lives? But it does. By simply doing what they're designed to do, something large and magnificent happens. In this sense they show us how to live - how the only barometer you have is your heart. How, when you spot your flower, you can't let anything get in your way." - John LaRoche

"There are too many ideas and too many people. And too many directions to go. I was starting to believe that the reason it matters to care passionately about something, is that is whittles the world down to a more manageable size." - Susan Orlean

"I'm pathetic, I'm a loser. I have failed, I am panicked. I've sold out, I am worthless, I... What the fuck am I doing here? What the fuck am I doing here? Fuck. It is my weakness, my ultimate lack of conviction that brings me here. Easy answers used to shortcut yourself to success. And here I am because my jump into the abysmal well - isn't that just a risk one takes when attempting something new?" - Charlie Kaufman

"To begin... To begin... How to start? I'm hungry. I should get coffee. Coffee would help me think. Maybe I should write something first, then reward myself with coffee. Coffee and a muffin. So I need to establish the themes. Maybe a banana nut. That's a good muffin." - Charlie Kaufman.

"See her? I fucked her up the ass." - Marty (Charlie's agent).

FAHRENHEIT-GATE
Michael Moore's documentary Fahrenheit 9/11 opens up today in theaters. It's amazing the lengths of what the extreme right will do to banish this movie from the American landscape. From the "R" Rating that this movie got to the pressures right-wing groups have been placing on to theaters to not show this movie, this documentary has become public enemy number for the extreme right. The far left has used this movie as the rallying cry to oust George W. Bush from office. I think this is going to be one of the more important cultural events of the year released this year.

I first heard of Michael Moore after watching Roger and Me during my freshman year in college. He inspired me to be a documentarian, which resulted in my quick stab at film school. Michael Moore has a natural way of provoking, confronting, and dividing his audience. I still remember the part from Roger and Me where that lady is skinning a rabbit, and talking about the despair that was happening in her city.

I don't get that political anymore, I lost interest in the politics of bureaucracy a long time ago; but politics used to grow within me. I was very active from high school through college; perhaps the reality has transformed me into more of a cynical person.

And although politically I refuse to align myself as either liberal or conservative, democrat or republican. My views are too complex to be simply classified by any of those categories. I am wary of extremisms. I am cautious about people who are to the extreme right and left, because I sometimes feel as if they're walking around blindly. And you can never constructively debate the issues, somehow everything has gotten lost in the fervor of their minds and they are stuck in an emotional deluge.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: You're The Only One (Maria Mena), The Slow Drug (PJ Harvey), Re-Offender (Travis), Letter Read (Rachel Yamagata), Do Right (Jimmie's Chicken Shack), In The Walls (Stellastarr*), and High & Dry (Radiohead).

LUNCH TIME PREMONITIONS
Today whilst I was doing my daily walks around downtown Glendale during lunch time, I began to dip in and out thoughts as I always manage to do. Every once in a while I like to assess my progression on this wicked ride we call life. I think the past few weeks I've been feeling at peace with the world, but not a good way. I've always been restless ever since I dropped out of my mother's womb. This current stability in my life has left me with nothing to look forward to other than movies, partying, vacations, and a maybe a random encounter with a Yeti. I feel like I am in the calm of an upcoming storm, and that kinda excites me. The Gemini in me wants to go out and play and is tired of playing Ty Pennington on weekends.

LET'S MAKE A DEAL!!
In the spirit of Shaquille O'Neal demanding a trade from the Lakers, let us play a little game to find out what kind of trading value does the World's Most Dominant Player have:

1. BEST CASE SCENARIO: Dirk (Diggler) Nowitski, Michael Finley, and Steve Nash for Shaq, Kareem Rush, and a thousand Krispy Kreme Donuts.
2. O'NEAL VS. O'NEAL: Jermaine O'Neal, Austin (Powers) Croshere, and Fred Jones for Shaq and a night with Paris Hilton at the Paris Hotel in Las Vegas.
3. IF KUPCHAK LOST HIS MIND: Zach Randolph, Dale Davis, and Qyntel Woods for Shaq, plus Xzibit will pimp your ride.
4. WORST CASE SCENARIO: Elton Brand, Corey Maggette, Melvin Ely and Billy Crystal for Shaq, Denzel Washington, and a case of corn nuts.
5. WE'RE GOING TO REGRET THIS: Kenyon Martin, Rodney Rogers, Brian Scalabrine, a case of Jack Daniels and an all expense paid weekend at the Bunny Ranch for Shaq and the rights to all his current and future offsprings.
6. REVENGE OF THE LEPRECHAUN: Paul Pierce, and the entire Celtics roster, including Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, 5 future #1 Draft picks, and Red Auerbach has to prance around the 3rd Street Promenade in his underwear singing the "We Love L.A." song for Shaq and cloning rights to his DNA.
7. THE ALL WHITE BOY TRADE: Andrei Kirilenko, Raul Lopez, Matt Harpring, Greg Ostertag, and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir for Shaq, mineral rights to Manitoba, and 15 minutes of pleasure at the Grotto in the Playboy Mansion.

"YOU'RE SHITTING ME!!" FILE
Mary-Kate Olsen Fights Eating Disorder - June 23, 2004 -- "Mary-Kate Olsen -- who with her twin, Ashley, is one of the world's two most-celebrated and successful teens -- now admits she has an eating disorder."

You're shitting me?? A child-star uber-millionaire has an eating disorder?? You're shitting me?? And what about Ashley?? They both look anorexic to me... You've gotta be shitting me!!! I am flabbergasted!! Stupefied! Befuddled! Appalled! Addled! Agog!! [you have to say this with a sarcastic tone]

WE ARE THE MIGHTY MALLERS
We had our second game last night, and despite missing three players we played our best game in three season of playing co-ed softball. We had great pitching, great defense and great hitting. I went 3-4 (3 Triples, 3 Runs Scored, 5 RBI's, eat your heart out ARod). It was a real team effort. We played a team that was pretty good. It is great to be a part of this team, because when we started this whole thing back in September 2003, we were the laughing stock of the league. We were losing games 30-4, 25-6, and 28-3. We weren't even competitive at all. But we all stuck together as a group, we didn't quit on each other, and supported each other through those days. Last season was a little better, we made the playoffs, but we were considered to be part of the upper echelon of the league. I think this time around we can start talking about championships. If we win this league, we can be bumped up to the next division. Right now softball is something that I look forward to every week, isn't that sad?

CURRENTLY LISTING TO: Somebody Told Me (The Killers), They (Jem), Postales (Frederico Aubele), 99 Problems (Jay-Z), Blind (Korn), Jumbo (Underworld), and My Beloved Monster (Eels).

IF YOU HAVE NOTHING GOOD TO SAY, SAY NOTHING AT ALL
I had a weird weekend.
Can't really talk much about.
But it was weird.
Why do I feel this way?
What does this all mean?
Where the hell am I going?
What's going on?
Why does my heart feel so bad?
Oh well whatever, nevermind...

EXCUSES, EXCUSES
So I scored these tickets to the screening of the kick-ass movie, Hero (starring Jet Li and Zhang Ziyi). I thought I would have my friends fucking kill to see this movie with me. Instead I am getting the run around from everyone, here are their excuses:

- "I'm going to watch the U.S. Open on television instead."
- "Friday, oh I'll be too tired to from work."
- "It has subtitles? I hate watching movies with subtitles."
- "Is this a violent movie? I can't watch and support violent movies."
- "I hate Jet Li!"
- "Am I going to have to dress up for this one?"
- "I hate Quentin Tarantino."
- "I hate Chinese people, they all look the same."
- "I made plans to see Dodgeball."
- "I got this hot date with (INSERT RANDOM NAME)."
- "I made plans to see Chronicles of Riddick."
- "I made plans to see the movie Garfield with my cat."
- "I'm working late."
- "So are you like asking me out on a date? like that is so totally cute? (Ummmmm, like NO!)"
- "I can't remember if I have something to do, but I know I can't go..."
- "My parole officer won't let me out of the house after 6pm."
- "My dog is going through her period, I need to be there for her."
- "Do I have to leave my couch and actual interact with the public?"
- "I think I just want to stay at home and watch the WB on Friday nights..."
- "Yankees are in town to play the Dodgers, sorry?"

OK, some of these I made up and exagerrated, but c'mon people. Am I emitting some bad odor that nobody is telling me about? If I am please send an anonymous e-mail to me ASAP.

So finally, Michelle stood up, and sacrificed herself to accompany me to this event. So Michelle thank you, and I promise I won't poke you (at least until I get drunk, and you know that's bound to happen).

"He is not wise who has not tried the ugly and the bad; for then there is nothing that would enable him to assert that he is virtuous."
- Antiphon the Sophist (480-411 BC).

END OF A DYNASTY
I think it is safe to say that with this lost it is officially the end of the Laker dynasty. The Lake Show just looked just a little bit too old against the younger and more athletic Pistons. I also have to give mad respect to the Pistons, they were coached well, and they played a more inspired and honest game. Most critics rate this as one of the biggest upsets in NBA Finals history, but I think that's really disrespectful to the Pistons and the Eastern Conference. The Lakers have looked fragile all season, and I was proud that they were able to accomplish things despite all the things that they had to go through. It was a great ride over the past five years, and I will continue to be a Laker fan. I am not one of these fans that abandons their teams when times are tough. I've been a Laker fan since I saw Kareem Abdul-Jabbar do Ovaltine commercials in the Philippines. I remember sneaking into my uncles house and watching all the Lakers vs. Celtics games on his betamax. There are only two professional sports teams that have really captured my heart since I was a kid, the Dodgers and Lakers; and despite their troubles over the past few years I have always been loyal and supportive of them. It's easy to be a Laker fan when things are going great, but when things start to look a little bleak, a lot of the Laker fans do abandon the team.

CARS
My brother just bought a new Acura, which means now I have the oldest car in the family. All the men in my family are very big car lovers. I always say that if my dad was 40 years younger he would be one of these Asian kids souping their Civics and racing them on the streets. My dad rode motorcycles, and spends most of his money on his cars. Cars are his livelihood. My brother got the same bug. I've never been a car guy. Don't get me wrong I appreciate a nice car. But I drive a Honda CRV, which is not exactly a pimp car; but I don't care, I've never had any problems with it, and it takes me from one place to another safely. The one thing that I've caught from my dad is our desire for adventure and motorcycles. Although I haven't been on a motorcycle for years, I'm slowly itching to buy one right now. I'm already considering getting a Vespa (a little scooter), and I've talked about getting a used chopper or Harley. I've had a lot of friends with a lot of bad stories about motorcycles, so I'm a little hesitant, but that hasn't stopped me over.

IF I WAS A SOUTHPARK CHARACTER...

My name would be Ryanicus. I would be the resident drunk of the South Park Elementary school. I would hang out with Cartman and Kenny, and I would have uncontrollable bowel syndrome. My punchline would be "Is that beer?"

GOOD START FOR THE SEASON
We played our best game as a team yesterday. We won 14-8. I went 2-3, scoring two runs, no errors. I was proud of our all female infield. We are the only team in the league that plays five girls in infield, which gives us a great advantage to be able to play a four man outfield.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Runaway (Linkin Park), Jacqueline (Franz Ferdinand), The Reason (Hoobastank), Cafe Del Mar (Mental Generation), Let's Get It Started (Black Eyed Peas), and Four To The Floor (Starsailor).

A GATHERING OF GEMINI'S
I went to Julia's birthday party at the Falcon on Sunset Blvd. I was supposed to meet up with Erika and Michelle there, but they ended up ditching me and going to some other party. I really didn't know anyone there, and had never met Julia; and there were way too many Asian girls there for me to start going up to them and asking them if they happened to be named Julia (because you know all Asian girls look the same). But everybody knows me, I don't have trouble meeting new people and finding random things to interest me.

Luckily Julia recognized me sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace as I was slowly drinking myself to my usual downward spiral. The first few beers were good for me, and Julia and I hit it off pretty well, I think we were both just a little tipsy. But the night didn't really hit me until I started pounding the Glen (Glenlivet on the rocks, biatch!). Next thing I know I was talking with these two Gemini girls from Pomona. Then I met these Japanese actresses. Then I started getting sex advice in the men's room. Then I decided to penetrate a competiting birthday party, which I managed to steal some cake and liquor. Suffice to say I made the usual rounds of embarassing myself, from reciting songs from Little Shop of Horrors to dancing scenes from Westside Story. I really have no shame though, so I didn't give a shit.

As the night kept marching on, I ended up meeting a lot of Gemini's, whether it was Julia's friends or random people that I ran into. I've never met such a large gathering of Gemini's before, and when Gemini's get together, we know how to fucking party.

Jeanne (the Japanese actress) gave me her phone number, but I don't think I'll be calling her. She was pretty and smart, but I just thought she was a little too prissy. If your claim to fame is that you'll be in the movie Fat Albert coming out later this summer, you do not have the right to act like a mother fucking diva. You are no Zhang Ziyi (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon), and trust me, I know Zhang Ziyi (actually no I don't).

5 THINGS I TOOK AWAY THAT NIGHT:
5. I need to see Barbarian Invasions.
4. Do not, under any circumstances, go to a party in Pomona.
3. I need to continue my abstinence from actresses.
2. Don't make up names if you can't remember a girl's name, they don't like that.
1. If I had to pick between Luke Walton and Ben Wallace, as to whom I would lose my gay virginity to, always pick the white boy, he'll be more gentle.

THE WORLD IS FULL OF CRASHING BORES
I've been a little snappy with people lately. I've had to really try hard not to scream and slap around some of these people. I don't know why. I usually have a lot of patience for people, but lately I haven't been myself. I've been a little lost for the past few weeks. Trying to restructure myself as I always do. Trying to find that balance between my two Gemini personalities.

I've been listening a lot to Ryan Adam's latest CD Love is Hell. Some of my friends broke up with their significant others, so perhaps that has subconsciously affected me as well.

How long's it gonna be, babe
Before I get over you, doll
You're tearin' the stuff right out of me kid
What with you living right up the hall

Maybe you just didn't read me right
The lights went out and you just sitting on the stair
I played your song but I couldn't get the melody right
Why don't you just shoot up like a ball of rubber bands

I fell like getting rid of all my things
Maybe just disappear into the fall
The traffic roars and my stomach screams
Sittin' here watchin' roaches climb the wall

Ryan Adams just makes me want to jump off a building... but I really have no reason to be down. I don't think I haven't been this emotionally, physically, and mentally healthy in a long time. It's a wonderful feeling to wake up every day, and see the sun shine in my backyard, and go out and pee on my lemon tree. There is something about urinating on a tree, that just seems so visceral. So if you ever visit me at my pad, don't stand near the lemon tree.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Hotel Chelsea Nights (Ryan Adams), Wow (Snow Patrol), Untitled 1 (Keane), Beautiful Otherness (Bent), Take Me Out (Franz Ferdinand), Technicolor Girls (Death Cab For Cutie), Four To The Floor (Starsailor), You're The Storm (The Cardigans), Walkie Talkie Man (Steriogram), and Situation (Yaz).

POLITIK
Went up to Sacramento for a day to help lobby politicians regarding real estate issues. I didn't learn much, but I sure got to meet a lot of important people. I had a chance to meet up with the Governator, but because of the self-imposed budget deadline being due next week, I was scratched. Instead had Assembly Speaker Dario Frommer show me around the legislature, which was really cool. He didn't have to do that, he was very gracious and patient with our questions. Perhaps I should vote for this guy next time.


WAITING OUTSIDE THE GOVERNATOR'S OFFICE.

REUNITED AT LAST
While I was up in Sacramento, I had a chance to reunite with an old high school friend, Carmel. It was definitely a treat to see her. I haven't seen in her over six years, and its amazing how times change and yet stay the same. She is now married, and has a child. It's always interesting to see how your friends turn out to be as parents, and Carmel seems to be a great mother. I wonder how I'll be as a father (hopefully, I won't have to know that answer for a while). She seems to be living in her little slice of heaven up there in Davis. Her husband is a 6th grade teacher. I went through all their fairy tale wedding pictures, and they seem to be well balanced and happy family. I'm happy for her...

CARMEL, GABRIEL, JOSH(the cute little tyke), AND I EATING DINNER.

GEORGE BUSH'S FATE IN HELL
George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here, " says the devil. "You're on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room: in it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.

"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room and in it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" said George.

The devil opened a third door. Inside, George saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you're free to go!"

Thanks to Justin for the funny ass joke

♥Ryan Jesena and ♥Jennifer garner

Might have one stylish girl. Love to share their hearts after dark. Love love.

Orchestrated by ianiceboy

ETERNAL SUNSHINE
I went to Palm Springs to hang out with Liz and her family over the weekend. I love going out to see her and her family. Her mom and stepdad live in this retirement community in Palm Desert, and they live such an envious life. Wake up at 8:00AM to play tennis, then go to lunch at the cafe at noon, then play golf in the afternoon, hit up the pool and hot tub, then go to dinner, then play poker at night. If it weren't for all the conservative Republicans walking around, I would've want to visit more often.

There was some drama (as there often is when family is involved), and I kinda kept my way out of it. But it was interesting to experience how families deal with their internal conflicts. Nothing was really resolved when I left, but despite it all, I had a great time. Even though Liz's mom and her dad kicked my ass in tennis. And it's always great to see Liz, we share a similar mental state that's often very hard to find in people.

THE SPOTLESS MIND

I went to see this movie with Clare on Sunday night, and I was simply in love with this movie. I've always been convinced that Charlie Kaufman and I share a similar degenerate form of madness, this movie proves that point. Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet pull off a brilliant performance. Michel Gondry and Charlie Kaufman weave an intricate tapestry about love and love lost. This is simply a beautiful love story. Eternal Sunshine begins with a 15 minute segment, where we meet Joel Barrish (Carrey). From his voice narration, we learn that he is unhappy and lonely. He decides to call in sick and goes to the beach, where he meets Clementine (Winslet). They awkwardly hit it off, and it appears that they are beginning a relationship. And from this introduction, we soon witness that appearances, memories, and emotions can be deceiving.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometimes (Beck), Walkie Talkie Man (Steriogram), Pony Ride (Bumblebeez 81), Rusty Cage (Johnny Cash), Lose Me On The Way (Hope Sandoval), All Falls Down (Kanye West), and Everest (Ani DiFranco)