MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE BACKGROUND CHECKS

MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE BACKGROUND CHECKS
So yesterday I went to Hermosa Beach to play flag football. After weeks of rain, it was nice to be outside and feel the warm California air. Around game time Paul and I realized that we were short one girl, so we went out to find a girl to join our squad. It wasn't too hard there were a lot of candidates. We selected J., she was tall, slender, and quick for her size, and not too bad to look at, so we couldn't go wrong with that.

We played another team that just knew what they were doing, and they handed us our butts. I didn't take it personally, they were definitely better athletes. So as we went back to Sharkeez to drown another loss, we hung out with our newest teammate. We were getting to know her a little better. So she tells us that she lives in Colorado but grew up here in LA, and she's currently just visiting LA. We asked why she moved out to Colorado. She says non-chalantly, that she had to because she is banned from the whole state of California. After revealing that fact, she excused herself to the bathroom. Paul and I looked at each other for a second, and thought she must be joking. No one gets banned from an entire state, and she simply looked innocent and harmless, I can't imagine her hurting a fly. So when she gets back, we keep asking her discreetly about why she's banned from California and why she's here. She tells us a whole bunch of stories that basically involve her meeting various guys and getting involved in violent altercations with them. She had spent some time in prison and was finally paroled, but she her probation banned her from California, and she was breaking her probation as we speak. By this time, we had already finished a couple of pitchers of beer, and she suddenly started to act irrationally. She ordered some wings, and when she bit on a piece, her tooth fell out (what da fuck?), so she had to excuse herself to put it back on. Which gave Paul and I the window of opportunity to escape. So we did... We got out of there faster than we moved throughout the whole game.

Just goes to show you, there are a lot of strange people walking around out there, be very very careful.

STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES

STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES
COPENHAGEN, Denmark (AP) -- When two Danish burglars realized someone had stolen the keys to their getaway car, they reacted like honest citizens and called the police.

Police said they were only too happy to help, and arrested them after they confessed to breaking and entering.

The men, identified only as an 18-year-old and a 20-year-old, broke into a summer cabin late Wednesday near Kaldred, 90 kilometers (55 miles) west of capital Copenhagen.

IRON AND WINE

IRON AND WINE

I've been listening to a lot of folk rock lately, especially Nick Drake. I've enjoyed the melodic virtues of listening to the intimate connection that a musician has with an acoustic guitar. There is such an emotional and powerful force that binds a musician with his acoustic guitar. So a friend of mine recommended that I should give Iron And Wine a shot. I've heard the Iron And Wine song on the Garden State soundtrack and I was impressed, but nothing prepared me for the aural delights in his latest album, Our Endless Numbered Days. Florida's Sam Beam continues to expand his rich melancholic work in this amazing album. I love to listen to this album as I am lying in bed waiting to go to sleep. His voice and his guitar strumming away endless melodies that create wonderful dreams for me. I love his subtlety, the intimacy of his voice that blends so well with his guitar. He is just an amazing musician. And this is quickly becoming one of my favorite albums.

TWO CHICKS AT THE SAME TIME
Peter: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money.
Peter: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on me do.
Peter: Good point.
Lawrence: What about you, what would you do?
Peter: Besides two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Well yeah.
Peter: Nothing.
Lawrence: Nothing, huh?
Peter: I'd relax, sit on my ass all day, I would do nothing.
Lawrence: Well you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Just take a look at my cousin, he's broke, don't do shit.

A classic scene from one of my favorite movies, Office Space...

WHO'R YOU CALLING EMO?

WHO'R YOU CALLING EMO?
When I went to Death Cab for Cutie, Tegan And Sara, and Mountain Goats concerts, there seemed to be a prevalent group of people that attend these concerts, and they were affectionately called Emo Kids. I've never really heard of that term before, but this past weekend I met a girl who referred to me as an Emo Kid. I never really considered myself to be an Emo Kid, so I was taken aback by surprise. I didn't know whether to be disturbed or pleased. So I decided to do some research.

Emo is Hardcore Punk music with sensitive and emotional lyrics. The music is epitomized by post-Grunge, edgy rock with explosive energy mixed with sensitivity. Emotional lyrics about sadness, love and even anger are common lyrical themes. There is also a subculture of young people that are considered Emo. The casual Emo garb is faded blue jeans or slightly oversized work pants accompanied by a secondhand T-shirt with an out of place logo, bad Heavy Metal tees work well too. Good shoes would be Converse Chuck Taylor low-tops or old skool low-top Vans. The more extreme clothes of choice would include horn-rimmed glasses, cardigan sweaters, dorky polo shirts, pants that are a bit too short and hair that is spiky or messy in the back with straight cut bangs.

I looked at myself in the mirror, and trust me I am nowhere near an Emo Kid. I don't listen to current Hardcore Punk, the only punk I listen to is old school Fugazi, the Clash, Sex Pistols, and Dead Kennedys. I can't even name one current hardcore punk band. As far as the fashion is concerned, I don't own a pair of Chuck Taylor or Van shoes, I don't wear glasses, cardigan sweaters. I do wear a lot of dorky and tight polo shirts, but I don't even have hair to spike or mess with. I think I might be a little too old to be an Emo Kid anyway (not that there is anything wrong with that).

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:A Fond Farewell (Elliott Smith), Worlds Apart (...Trail of Dead), Marching The Hate Machines Into The Sun (Thievery Corporation), Heaven Adores You (Earlimart), Cinder And Smoke (Iron And Wine), Sunlight Makes Me Paranoid (Elefant), It's A Hit (Rilo Kiley), and Trolley Wood (Eisley).

CRACK WHORES GALORE

CRACK WHORES GALORE
When I tell my friends that there are crack whore that walk around my beautiful Pasadena neighborhood, they kinda excuse my stories as if I'm exaggerating a story; it's as if I can't tell apart the difference between a crack whore and a homeless person. I've been to New York and Philly, I've seen crack whores, I know what they look like.

So when Ken went to pick me up to go on Saturday night, he became a witness to what has become crack whore central behind my backyard. My neighborhood is a beautiful, tree-lined paradise located next to three short-term (more like hourly rate) motels. As we were driving out of my house, we see this crack whore running around like a chicken with her head cut off (what an amazing sight that was). And as she was running, she slipped a little bit and crashed into a metal gate door. She picked herself up again, and just kept running, and kept hitting trees, doors, and cars. It's as if she was blind and running away from something, her arms were flailing. I know it's nice to laugh at people going through the depths of darkness, but damn that was funny.

SO WHY DO RUN SO MUCH?

SO WHY DO YOU RUN SO MUCH?
People are sometimes perplexed at how I run everyday and still manage to party almost every weekend. To me food and alcohol just tastes so much better, that's what inspires me to work hard during the week. Monday to Friday, I am very strict with my exercise and diet, I eat healthy, drink lots of fluids and green tea, and eat lots of vegetables. During the weeks I kinda cleanse myself of all the toxins that I intake during the weekends. It's become a wonderful habit for me. I feel great, I have lots of energy, and I don't feel guilty in endulging. It's also helped to balance me out a little bit, I feel like I have to earn my weekends. I work hard throughout the week, and culminates in a celebration during the weekends. I work hard, and I play hard. Every drop of beer, every piece of sushi, every drop of cocktail, I have earned, and I fucking deserve it.

IS IT REUNION TIME ALREADY?
I got my invitation yesterday to my 10 year high school reunion. I can't believe it's been ten years. I am not sure if I am attending this reunion yet, but it's amazing how this past ten years has gone by. I had a lot of fun in high school, I remember it with pleasant memories. I didn't take high school too seriously, but I didn't have to. For whatever reason, everyone kinda let me get away with stuff. I didn't really feel challenged or pushed in high school. Everyone just kinda assumed that I knew what I was doing. There is still one resolved issue that I haven't been able to settle from high school days, and I don't know if that issue will be resolved at the reunion. Well we'll see..

DARKO AND THE LIGHT

I just read this wonderful essay by Annie Frisbie that pieces together philosphical and metaphysical issues about the movie Donnie Darko. The movie left me with a lot of questions and postulations that I've had trouble thinking about. Frisbie's essay helped me piece most of the pieces together, and I was pretty close. I didn't explore the God quotient of time travel like she did, but it makes sense.

"If God exists, he must by extension have a plan for the universe, a path for everyone to follow. If we are following a path that God knows from start to finish, then we should be able to jump to any point on that path because it already and always exists."

I understood the martyrdom and sacrifice that Donnie had to make. At the end of the movie, we see Donnie back in his room on the night of his death. He laughs. He laughs because he has traveled through time, and now he will die. His family will weep, his girlfriend won't be murdered, and the world will not end. He has sacrificed himself to prove that God exists, and even though he dies alone, the world won't have to die alone because God exists. His death changes the future, but he laughs because there are worse things out there than death.

SNAPPLE SAVANT

EXCERPT FROM T.S. ELIOT'S HYSTERIA
As she laughed I was aware of becoming involved in her laughter and being part of it, until her teeth were only accidental stars with a talent for squad drill....An elderly waiter with trembling hands was hurriedly spreading a pink and white checkered cloth over the rusty green iron table, saying: "If the lady and gentlemen wish to take their tea in the garden, if the lady and gentlemen wish to take their tea in the garden..." I decided that if the shaking of her breasts could be stopped, some of the fragments of the afternoon might be collected, and I concentrated my attention with careful subtlety to the end.

SNAPPLE SAVANT
I took the Snapple Real Facts quiz, all 229 questions of it. I scored a 158/229, which made me a Snapple Savant. I probably could've done better if I actually focused, I took the quiz at work so I was interrupted a lot.

I WANT TO BE A LION

I WANT TO BE A LION
Six months until I get to go back home to Black Rock City, I've been quietly plotting my Burning Man strategies and priorities for this year. I want it to be such a different experience for me than it was last year. I want to participate some more, I want to more art, and I want to be able to challenge myself in that environment. I'm still working on my art installation, as well as the chapbook I want to distribute there. But I'm also thinking about being a lion. I've always wanted to be a lion. I think I'm going to buy a lion mascot costume and prance around as a lion throughout the week. I can always reuse that costume for all the Burning Man Decompression parties that happen afterward.



Can you imagine me walking around like that in the desert? That is so fucking fun!!!

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT...
Did you know that the world's termites outweighs all the humans 10 to 1? That's a lot of freaking termites, and it puts into perspective how insignificant humans can be in our entire planet.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: And When I Die (Blood, Sweat, And Tears), Be Still My Heart (The Postal Service), Alone In Kyoto (Air), Surface To Air (The Chemical Brothers), Arc Of Time - Time Code (Bright Eyes), Accidentally Kelly Street (Frente!), Somersault (Zero 7), Believer (Ben Kweller), Play (Flunk), and Half A Person (The Smiths).

BEACHED AT HERMOSA

BEACHED AT HERMOSA
The weekend was as eventful and uneventful as any weekend I usually have. I set up my weekend to culminate at the flag football game at Hermosa Beach. Our team, 4th and Inches, seem to be a fun and easy-going group of girls. I knew I picked the right team when we all took jello shots before we played out game. During the first quarter, I played defense, and I got burned by a girl for a touchdown. But I had to give it to her, most girls don't know how to play football, and she knew how juke me out and put some moves on me. Suffice to say we lost the game, but I had one of the highlights of our game, when I intercepted a pass into the end zone and took it to the 50 yeard line, but it was too little too late. We later drowned our sorrows at Sharkeez. There's nothing better than beer at the beach after playing some football.

MOUNTAIN GOATS

MOUNTAIN GOATS

Clare dragged me out to see the Mountain Goats at The Echo last night. I really didn't know what to expect, but I know you can't really go wrong with seeing a band play in Silver Lake. It was a treat to see so many neo pomo hipsters at a club. The Mountain Goats played an inspired set, and although I didn't really know most of their songs, I could tell that their strength was in their exceptional storytelling style. I could see myself sitting in a campfire listening to their songs.

I was kind of a surprise to run into Petros Papadakis at The Echo, I never figured him to be a fan of this kind of music, but he seems to be a worldly chap. He did look a little bloated, its amazing how the bodies of ex-football players change; it hasn't even been five years since he last donned a Trojan uniform, and he probably gained a good 25 pounds.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Blumenthal (Ulrich Schnauss), Keep What Ya Got (Ian Brown), I Predict A Riot (Kaiser Chiefs), Cold Blooded Old Times (Smog), Pink Moon (Nick Drake), Falling (Ben Kweller), and Club Foot (Kasabian).

SET! HUT! HUT! HUT! HIKE!!!

SET! HUT! HUT! HUT! HIKE!!!

Someone I've never actually met baked this beautiful cake for the Super Bowl. Looks delicious, too bad I don't eat cake.

FIVE QUESTIONS: MEET D.
Welcome to my new blog segment called, FIVE QUESTIONS, where I ask five random questions to a random stranger loitering in my life. I'd like y'all to meet D. she's from the PA. I've never met her, so that makes her officially a stranger in my life. She's kept me entertained and occupied during the past two days. She is the creator of the delicious Super Bowl cake on the above picture. Even though she is on the shitlist for disparaging Ben Lee, she gets brownie points for discussing the tapeworms incurred by her poor little chihuahuas.

1. What was the first sing you heard this morning?
"I have no memory of it."
then lie to me...
"um well I think that my friend had Magnet playing in the house..."
2. What's the most ridiculous job you've ever had?
"Ice cream girl at a hoagie pizza place."
3. Which muppet do you most identify with...?
"Miss Piggy"
4. Name your top 5 favorite movies:
Labyrinth, Wayne's World, Ghostbusters, The Big Chill, and Legend/Dark Crystal
5. Worse move a date has put on you:
"I met this guy at barcopa and he asked me out. Well when it came time for our date, I thought he was supposed to pick me up, but he calls and is like just meet me at my house, so I get there he's stoned off his ass in a wrinkled gym shorts and he's like let's smoke so I figured the date was fucked at the point so I do. But I don't know what was in the shit cuz I started to freak out and he goes, you don't have to be afraid with me and I took off like a bat out of hell. He creeped me out."

So my advice to all the gentlemen out there, don't smoke out your girl on the first date...

DID SOMEBODY SAY FOOTBALL?

DID SOMEBODY SAY FOOTBALL?
I have joined a co-ed beach football team. I think it's going to be a lot of fun. 4 on 4, 2 girls, 2 guys at all times, guys and girls have to switch off as quarterbacks. This is going to be interesting. I love a good challenge. One of my fondest memories of college was leading our dorm to the intramural co-ed flag football championship. It was such a fun thing to do, because we faced Greeks, staff, and jocks, and we won the whole thing despite all the cheap shots. I still remember the championship game when they blitzed everybody on me, and I get tackled hard on the ground, and yet I was able to release the ball in time which led to a touchdown. I can't imagine a better feeling than throwing a touchdown right before you get tackled. It was like dunking on Dikembe Mutombo.

ROUND HERE

ROUND HERE
Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog
Where no one notices the contrast of white on white
And in between the moon and you, the angels get a better view
Of the crumbling difference between wrong and right
I walk in the air between the rain through myself and back again
Where? I don’t know
Maria says she’s dying through the door I hear her crying
Why? I don’t know

Round here we always stand up straight
Round here something radiates

Maria came from Nashville with a suitcase in her hand
She said she’d like to meet a boy who looks like Elvis
She walks along the edge of where the ocean meets the land
Just like she’s walking on a wire in the circus
She parks her car outside of my house
Takes her clothes off
Says she’s close to understanding Jesus
She knows she’s more than just a little misunderstood
She has trouble acting normal when she’s nervous

Round here we’re carving out our names
Round here we all look the same
Round here we talk just like lions
But we sacrifice like lambs
Round here she’s slipping through my hands

Sleeping children better run like the wind
Out of the lightning dream
Mama’s little baby better get herself in
Out of the lightning

She says it’s only in my head
She says shhh I know it’s only in my head
But the girl on car in the parking lot says
’man you should try to take a shot
Can’t you see my walls are crumbling? ’
Then she looks up at the building and says she’s thinking of jumping
She says she’s tired of life she must be tired of something

Round here she’s always on my mind
Round here hey man got lots of time
Round here we’re never sent to bed early
And nobody makes us wait
Round here we stay up very, very, very, very late
I can’t see nothing, nothing round here
Catch me if I’m falling

-- Words and lyrics by Adam Duritz

For whatever reason this song has been resonating with me all day. I don't know why...

BLOATED AND HUNGOVER

BLOATED AND HUNGOVER
Agh! Super Bowl weekend, nothing is more wonderful in a red-blooded American male's calendar. Despite the rain, I brought out my barbecue, and cooked for my friends. I think we all managed to eat a couple of cows on the process, we were cooking up steaks left and right. I ate and drank so much that I was passed out by halftime. By the time I woke up, everyone had left, and Tom Brady was smirking on the television screen. I felt so bloated, I couldn't even get out of bed. I probably gained 10 lbs. during the weekend. I need to burn it all off this week.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Dream (Dizzee Rascal), Shine (Ben Lee), Orgiastic (Stereolab), Dream Brother (Jeff Buckley), Reign (UNKLE), Georgia On My Mind (Ray Charles), The Way You Want It (Keane), Stay Loose (Belle And Sebastian), and Modern Nature (Sondre Lerche).

GUIDELINES TO MALE HETEROSEXUAL CONTACT

GUIDELINES TO MALE HETEROSEXUAL CONTACT
This weekend will be the world's largest male bonding experience. Millions of red-blooded men will be glued to their television sets watching the Super Bowl, thus creating a universal bonding experience that all males have shared since they were little boys. It is an annual pilgrimmage to the football gods. Part of this experience is the inevitable contact made between men. There are strict guidelines that need to be followed for appropriate male heterosexual contact during this most treasured of holidays, please follow them accordingly to ensure that there will be no awkward moments.

1. The only proper way of hugging another man is the one armed embrace. To execute the one armed embrace, reach out with your right hand to shake the man's arm, pull the his arm toward you as you reach around with your left arm around his shoulder. Give a quick and tight embrace, a quick tap on the back is allowed, then release. If done properly this action shouldn't take more than 4 seconds.

2. Unless you are latin or italian, kisses on the cheek and two arm hugs are considered inappropriate at all times.

3. If there is a celebration a high five or a very quick two armed hug is appropriate, but make sure that they are quick and that there is no eye contact.

4. Ruffling of someone's hair is only appropriate for boys, so unless you want to get your ass beat, don't ruffle any man's hair.

5. Unless you're a professional athelete butt slapping is not allowed.

6. When in doubt just use a high five.

7. Hugs are only appropriate when you're in a large group, if there is only two of you in the room, refrain from embracing each other or having direct eye contact. All the attention should be directed to the television set.

8. If you have to give a two armed hug, a loud tap on the other person's back is acceptable, but rubbing the person's back is frowned upon.

9. All physical contact should be done standing up. There shall be no hugging or high fiving while you are seated, the only exception to the rule is if you're really drunk and can no longer stand up.

10. Holding hands unison is not acceptable, unless there is a last minute field attempt to win the game late in the 4th quarter.

Follow these rules for appropriate heterosexual male contact, and you will be assured that your Super Bowl weekend will be fun, successful, and homophobic-free.

FIVE SIGNS THAT I MIGHT BE A LESBIAN

FIVE SIGNS THAT I MIGHT BE A LESBIAN
1. I listen to way too many lesbian folk alt-rock musicians like Ani DiFranco, Tegan And Sara, Beth Orton, Aimee Mann, Edie Brickell, Placebo, Edie Reader, and Fiona Apple. When I went to the Tegan And Sara concert in December, I felt unusually comfortable in the predominantly lesbian audience.

2. I hang out with a lot of tomboyish, athletic, and ambiguously straight women. To think about it, I don't have a lot of feminine girls who are just friends.

3. I really don't mind two girls holding hands and making out, as a matter of fact I probably encourage it. There is nothing more beautiful than two girls kissing, is there?

4. When I do hang out with lesbians, they just seem to eat me up. When I was playing co-ed softball, I got along best with my lesbian teammates. There was no sexual tension between us, and I love their fiery and competitive nature. When I lost my shortstop position to a butchy lesbian, I wasn't insulted at all, I would've been more insulted if another guy took up my position.

5. I've had two ex-girlfriends who considered themselves bi-sexual, and for whatever reason I encouraged both of them to explore their lesbian desires rather their heterosexual desires, and that was while they were still going out with me. How funny (or pathetic) is that...

I WANT A PRISON PEN PAL
CONVICTED OF: Burglary
RELEASE DATE: 10/01/08

Young and sexy looking or someone to occupy my mind, stimulate my body and lift my spirits. I enjoy trying new things, meeting new people, all outdoor recreation, music, working out at the gym and experiencing life to it's fullest. I am honest in all my doings, affectionate of both the spoken word & touch, I have a thoughtful and intelligent mind, a sense of humor and an adventurous nature. Age / race unimportant... I will answer everyone except prisoners.

Get your own personal prison pen pal here...

With prison pen pals like these who needs real women.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Solace For The Pain (The Gentle Waves), Recoil (Ani DiFranco), Galvanize (Chemical Brothers), Passenger Seat (Death Cab For Cutie), Jesus Etc. (Wilco), Where Does The Good Go (Tegan And Sara), Float On (Modest Mouse), Lonely Soul (UNKLE), The Desperate Kingdom Of Love (PJ Harvey), and Twenty Years (Placebo).

I AM TRYING TO BREAK YOUR HEART

I AM TRYING TO BREAK YOUR HEART
I am an American aquarium drinker
I assassin down the avenue
I'm hiding out in the big city blinking
What was I thinking when I let go of you?

Let's forget about the tongue-tied lightning
Let's undress just like cross-eyed strangers
This is not a joke, so please stop smiling
What was I thinking when I said it didn't hurt?

I want to glide through those brown eyes dreaming
Take it from the inside, baby hold on tight
You were so right when you said that I've been drinking
What was I thinking when we said good night?

I want to hold you in the Bible-black predawn
You're quite a quiet domino, bury me now
Take off your Band-Aid because I don't believe in touchdowns
What was I thinking when I said hello?

I'd always thought that if I held you tightly
You'd always love me like you did back then
Then I fell asleep in the city kept blinking
What was I thinking when I let you back in?

I am trying to break your heart
I am trying to break your heart
But still I'd be lying if I said it wasn't easy
I am trying to break your heart

Disposable Dixie-cup drinking
I assassin down the avenue
I'm hiding out in the big city blinking
What was I thinking when I let go of you?

Loves you
I'm the man who loves you.

-- By Wilco

MILLION DOLLAR MOVIE

MILLION DOLLAR MOVIE
I've never been a big Clint Eastwood fan, either as an actor or director. He was great when he played Dirty Harry roles, but as he got older and began taking more dramatic roles, I have never been able to relate to him. I found his acting style and delivery a bit detached and unnatural. So after hearing rave reviews for Million Dollar Baby, which is directed by and stars Clint Eastwood, I wasn't convinced that this was a Oscar-worthy film. I mean critics were raving about Sideways, and I thought that movie wasn't all that.

Million Dollar Baby delivers. I don't think there should even be an argument on what the best movie of 2004 should be. The performances of Hilary Swank, Morgan Freeman, and Clint Eastwood is just inspiring and beautiful. It is amazing to see great actors at the peak of their art. It was like watching Picasso and Mozart creating wonderful art. Clint Eastwoods' vibrant us of light and shadow are amazing throughout the movie. The feel, the subtle delivery, the movement, and the action are all intricate and precise and yet comes out so normal. You are woven into the complex relationships that each one of these character has, and when the movie takes you a certain path, you buy it, and linger with its issues afterwards. I highly recommend everyone to check this movie out.