"Just cause you feel, doesn't mean it's there..." There There, Radiohead

FREE PORN
So I'm taking my dog for a walk out this morning, and I'm walking through this alley in our neighborhood, and he brings back a bag of porno mags. He retrieved a bag of porno mags and gave it to me. It was as if God came down from heaven and left a bag of porn for my dog to pick up. I had a dilemma. Should I reject this gift from God? Or should I accept its blessings and take it back with me. I looked around to see if anyone had accidentally dropped their porn, but there was no one around. I peeked inside the covers, to make sure that its blessing was pure and holy, and indeed it was. So I did what any normal red-blooded straight male would do, I kept the porn.

I am also starting to wonder if my dog has keen sense for porn; that's not a bad sense to have.

SIGUR ROS
For the past year I have been listening to this icelandic band called Sigur Ros. I've been perplexed by their lyrics cos they sing in their native icelandic language. I have been trying to find translations for their songs to knock luck. So today I go to their website and I read this interview from the band:

"all of the vocals ( ) are however in hopelandic. hopelandic (vonlenska in icelandic) is the 'invented language' in which jónsi sings before lyrics are written to the vocals. it's of course not an actual language by definition (no vocabulary, grammar, etc.), it's rather a form of gibberish vocals that fits to the music and acts as another instrument. jónsi likens it with what singers sometimes do when they've decided on the melody but haven't written the lyrics yet. many languages were considered to be used on ( ), including english, but they decided on hopelandic. hopelandic (vonlenska) got its name from first song which jónsi sang it on, hope ..."

I was simply amazed, and left speechless...

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Stay (Lisa Loeb), Hollywood (Madonna), Rock Your Body (Justin Timberlake), Lebanese Blonde (Thievery Corporation), Requiem For A Dream (Paul Oakenfold), and In My Place (Coldplay)

THE RYAN JESENA DIET PLAN
So I got on the scales today and read 180lbs. That's the lowest I have ever been in almost three stinking years. When my metabolism slowed down, my eating habits stayed the same and my activity level went down, thus the ridiculous weight gain. Now I've lost 30 lbs and have kept it off now for about a year and a half. So what's the strategy:

1. No freaking rice.
2. Work out 5 times a week at least for one hour.
3. Run/walk at least 2 miles 3 times a week.
4. Once a month cleanse your body by eating lots of fiber (eat lots of fruit) for one day.

The shit works. I've never felt more energetic in my life. I can party longer and enjoy myself more.

REPEAT/REWIND
My life has certainly has had its twists and turns, and this year has not been any different. I have worked hard to get where I am and yet I feel like I am not even a quarter of the way of where I want to go. There is a lot more work and obstacles along the way. At this point of my life, I am becoming more retrospective about my past. I have reconnected with my past, and rebuilt relationships with people that I grew up. I know that next step is to reconcile with my past. I have to confront those that I lost along the way, and that can be a very tough thing to do.

DOG DAY AFTERNOON
Mossimo and I are quickly becoming best friends. I wake up at 7AM every morning and we go for a long walk, then when go to my backyard and football. Those long walks in the morning are very therapeutic. I get to see the sunrise, and I pretty much get to see the world wake up. I haven't woken up that early consistently since I was in high school, and that was almost a decade ago. When I get home from a long day at work, all he really wants to do is play football, go for a long walk, and sit by my feet and watch television with me. Sometimes I feel like he is still a handful, because he isn't fixed or anything. But for a dog that's not fixed he can be very calm and introspective. It's amazing that I've had him for less than a week. Animals truly can do wonders to help humans cope with absurdity and triviality of their daily lives.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: All I Wanna Do (Sheryl Crow), Epic (Faith No More), I Wanna Know What Love Is (Foreigner), Freddie Freeloader (Miles Davis), Cruciyf (Tori Amos), Pale September (Fiona Apple), and Colorblind (Counting Crows).

TWO COWS
DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point that you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking cow.

CALIFORNIAN
You have a cow and a bull.
The bull is depressed.
It has spent its life living a lie.
It goes away for two weeks.
It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation.
You now have two cows.
One makes milk; the other doesn't.
You try to sell the transgender cow.
Its lawyer sues you for discrimination.
You lose in court.
You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages.
You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow.
You change your business to beef. PETA pickets your farm.
Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway.
Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help "working cows".
Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of your farm "for the children".
Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico.
The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats.
You declare bankruptcy! and shut down all operations.
The cow starves to death.
The L.A. Times' analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault.

I wonder what Filipino would do with two cows?

Remember folks, I don't write them, I just share them.

DOGGY DAY CARE
So I'm a dog owner today. It's a great responsibility. Mossimo/Moses (Moss) and I are getting along peachy, it's amazing how smart he is. He has figured out that he has a new home and today was only his first day. He is very active, and he is also very strong. He is giving me quiet a workout. We walked around the block today, and we met some peacocks, apparently one of my neighbors has peacocks as pets, they were very beautiful, and he was very nice to them. Mossimo seems to prefer to play football with me, which has made me give him the nickname Moss (after Randy Moss). We play football in the backyard, and he just loves it. We're still getting used to each other, and it is a process that hopefully will develop into a great friendship.

MY PEOPLE
The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!"----- Jack Kerouac

DON'T KILL MONTECORE

This is the tiger chillin' after a long siesta...

I THINK I NEED MORE POTASSIUM
I think I am lacking of Potassium in my system, so I've been drinking a lot of orange juice lately which provides a high concentration of Potassium. I saw Kill Bill the other night, and it gave me this illicit desire to get into a fight and severe someone's limbs off with a samurai sword. Boy!, that was bloody and gory movie. It reaffirmed my fear of blood on the movie screen. I also learned that Japanese blood squirts like the fountains of Bellagio in Las Vegas. Quentin Tarantino must've been on crystal meth to make this freaking movie. But it was good, so why don't you come over so I can kick your ass...

CURRENLTY LISTENING TO: Someday We'll Know (New Radicals), You're the One For Me Fatty (Morrissey), Bullet In The Gun (Planet Perfecto), Numb (Linkin Park), Gamemaster (Lost Tribe), and Forgiven (Ben Harper)

FELL IN LOVE WITH A DOG

I just fell in love with the sweetest dog. His name is Mossimo, and his mom is thinking hard about letting him go. He is too adorable, he completely complements my physical activity. I hope his mom choose me!!

LUSHFUL
The Housewarming Party was a completely crazy evening. I was drunk before any of my guests arrive (not a good start). It was a great night littered with girl-fights, alcoholism, lushfulness, bread breaking, and stomach-churning karaoke. I don't even know if I can quiet explain what happened that night, its one of these things where you had to be there to truly comprehend the lunacy of the night.

I am still slowly recovering and understanding what the hell happened that night. It was surreal, I felt like I was in a Van Gogh painting or a Thomas Mann novel. To those that were there, I appreciate your company.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Gravedigger (Dave Matthews), Smooth Criminal (Michael Jackson), See The Sun (Dido), Get What You Need (Jet), Cold Water (Damien Rice), Mesmerize (Ja Rule), Clarity (John Mayer), and The Good Life (Weezer).

TERMINATED!
So this is how the world ends, we elect the anti-christ, the man they call the Terminator. I don't know how to feel about this, but I'm a little scared and concerned. This reason number 534 that I got out of politics. I used to be very involved in politics, and felt like I could make a difference. Then I realized the process was just plain bullshit.

BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE
I'm starting to get really excited about the housewarming party. People are coming out of the woodwork to come and celebrate friendship and spirit. I am very excited. I have a reputation of having one of the best parties in town (although I haven't hosted one in over two years), and I hope this one will continue that great tradition. It's going to be a blast, I can't wait to see everyone, I've been in a cocoon for the past few months, and now its time to fly like a butterfly again. I want to go dancing, my feet are itching.

THE END OF AN ANCHOR
It's been a busy busy couple of weeks for me. I've been working hard at out annual convention in San Diego, and it was great to see the plan come together. My stress level had been relatively high during that time. 25% of it has disappeared. My next great obstacle is getting ready for my housewarming party in two weeks. I am expecting a big turn out and its going to be a lot of fun. I also have to start finalizing plans for my trip to Europe. My hands are so full...

THE COOKIE CRUMBLES
This really pisses me off. There are thousands of children dying of starvation and diseases in this world every single day, and all these scientists are spending their time researching how a cookie crumbles. People need to get their priorities straight...


CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Do You Have A Little Time (Dido), Just The Way I'm Feeling (Feeder), Gettin' It (Too Short), Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses (U2), Adam's Song (Blink 182), Extraordinary (Liz Phair), and Baba O'Riley (The Who).